


do not be discouraged

by PJatO98



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Jealous Dina, Slow Burn, Supportive Jesse, Wingman Joel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26637274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PJatO98/pseuds/PJatO98
Summary: All Joel wanted was for Ellie to make some friends. After all, Ellie needed to find people who were worth fighting for just as Joel had found his.Over their years in Jackson, Joel’s meddling unknowingly sets her up for more.Or, a one-shot of short stories exploring the years between the end of The Last of Us Part I and the start of The Last of Us Part II.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Kat (The Last of Us)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 42





	do not be discouraged

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago, but when I couldn't fill in certain blanks I totally gave up and never posted it, but now is the time! One of my favorite parts of the game were Ellie's journal entries so I wanted to try my hand at filling in the gaps between the first and second games.
> 
> Enjoy!

**5 Years Earlier...**

Tommy and Maria had greeted Ellie and Joel at the gates of Jackson once they had returned from the Firefly hospital. If they were surprised to see them back so soon they hadn't said. Tommy had gone ahead and given them a tour and then showed them to the house they’d be staying in after the pair had been cleared by the clinic. It was obvious that Tommy had wanted to ask questions but Joel had just waved him off, kept his voice low, and told him that they would talk later. Tommy had shot a concerned glance Ellie’s way as she idly walked around the house, pretending not to listen.

"Hey, Ellie!" Tommy called, grabbing her attention. He approached and placed a hand on her shoulder. Joel watched on, interested. Tommy pulled Ellie towards the back of the house and opened the back door. He pointed out into the yard and asked, "You see that shed out there?" 

Ellie nodded.

"Well we renovated it awhile back. Made it livable… water, bathroom, fireplace, the whole nine yards. Maria's idea," he explained. "Think you'd be interested in livin' in a place like that?"

"Are you serious?" Ellie asked in disbelief though there was excitement clear in her voice.

Tommy smiled. "I am."

Joel had joined them on the back patio leaning against the door jamb. "What do you say, kiddo? You good with having' your own space?"

Ellie pointedly looked at Joel. "Are _you_ good with it?" she teased. A grin began to appear on Tommy's face as he raised an eyebrow at his brother, amused that Joel had seemed to have met his match.

Joel chuckled. “Sure am.”

Ellie lit up and took off across the yard towards her new home. A few seconds after she disappeared inside to quickly explore she returned and stood in the open door, calling back to Joel and Tommy who were watching from the back porch. “This is _fucking_ awesome! Joel! You’ve gotta come check this out!” 

Tommy patted his brother on the shoulder. “Go on now,” he said. “We’ll talk later, ‘kay? Stop by when you can.” He motioned to Ellie who was still standing in the doorway, vibrating with excitement. “You better not keep her waiting.”

“Mm-hmm.” He couldn’t stop smiling. “I’ll see you later, Tommy,” he said. With that, Joel made his way across the yard. His yard. 

He watched as Ellie waved goodbye to Tommy and then turned to him. “Come on, old man. Get a move on!”

Joel shook his head at the nickname and pulled Ellie into his side once he reached her, ruffling her hair. Ellie tried to squirm away from him but Joel was persistent and Ellie couldn’t help but laugh.

_Yeah_ , Joel thought. _They were gonna be just fine._

He didn’t get the chance to stop by Tommy and Maria’s until a few weeks later. It was seeming like Ellie was settling down nicely. He’d heard a lot of nice things about her from some of the other Jackson folks, how she’d been pulling her weight no questions asked.

The adults would tell him things like, “You’ve sure done a good job with her.”

Joel would respond with, “Naw. That’s all her.” He couldn’t help but swell with pride when he heard these things. He’d have to let Ellie know.

After leaving his shift at the woodshop one evening, Joel decided he would make his way to Tommy’s. He was pretty sure Ellie was at home, though he wasn’t sure where else she would be. From what he could tell, Ellie didn’t have any friends yet. She would go to her assignment in the morning, grab some extra jerky from the lunch line, finish her work day, and make her way home. She kept her head down. 

He didn’t want to pester Ellie or push her to do anything, but he thought that maybe some socializing would help pull her out of the slump she was in. Something she wouldn’t talk to Joel about. He had a hint but it was too fresh of a topic to tackle with her. He never wanted her to know the truth. 

Tommy and Maria lived in the center of town in a house that didn’t look much different than Joel’s on the outside. He knocked gently on the door before stepping back politely, his hands in his pockets. He heard Tommy’s muffled call from behind the door, “Be right there!” 

When his brother opened it, Tommy had been saying something over his shoulder, laughing at whatever had been said before Joel interrupted. Tommy looked a little surprised at Joel’s arrival but quickly masked it. “Hey there, Joel.”

“Howdy,” Joel greeted, then threw a pointed thumb over his shoulder. “I can come back if this is a bad time to talk. Didn’t mean to interrupt nothin’.”

Tommy narrowed his eyes in understanding. Before he could comment, Maria pushed by her husband. “Well, that’s a load of nonsense. Come on in, Joel. We were just finishing up dinner.”

Tommy shrugged and smiled. “You heard the lady.” Joel stepped inside, following Maria’s instructions. He would probably never admit that his sister-in-law intimidated him. Tommy closed the door behind him and then he and Maria led him into the kitchen. 

They weren’t alone. There was a young girl sitting at the kitchen table, an empty plate in front of her. She was leaning on the table, her arms crossed in front of her and smiled politely when Joel entered the kitchen. She looked somewhat familiar, Joel thought. Had he seen her around with Eugene? 

Maria motioned to the girl. “Joel, this is Dina.” Then back to Joel. “Dina, Joel.”

“My brother,” Tommy added. He teasingly elbowed Joel in the side. “If you couldn’t tell.”

Dina hopped up from her chair and approached Joel. She held out a small hand for him to shake. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.” 

Joel smiled and accepted. “Nice to meet you too, Miss Dina.”

She pulled her hand back and looked over Joel’s shoulder at Tommy. She was smirking, an eyebrow raised when she asked, "I'm gonna guess older brother?"

Tommy couldn’t help the burst of laughter that bubbled from his chest. He threw an arm around Joel’s shoulder. “You hear that, old man?” When Joel grumbled, Tommy winked at Dina. “Atta girl,” he said.

“Alright,” Maria warned as she stepped around the boys. She was smiling as well. She placed a gentle hand on Dina’s shoulder. “You need anything else? I can pack up some leftovers for you?” 

Dina shook her head. “Nah, I’m good Maria. You’ve done too much already.”

“Aw, well… you know you’re always welcome, Dina,” Maria said before pulling the girl in for a hug.

“I know,” Dina responded into Maria’s shoulder. “Thanks for dinner.” 

Joel watched the interaction quietly. When she pulled away from Maria she did the same with Tommy, falling into his open arms.“I’ll see you ‘round, kid. Don’t get into too much trouble now, you hear?”

Dina just shrugged. “I can’t promise anything.” Before she turned to leave she made sure to apologize to Joel. “It was nice to meet you… sorry about before. I couldn’t help it.”

Joel just waved her off. “Don’t worry about it,” he told her. “You didn’t say nothin’ that ain’t the truth.”

Satisfied, Dina nodded and walked off deciding that Joel seemed cool. The adults watched her go. When they hear the door shut behind her, Joel said, “Sweet girl.”

Tommy hummed. Maria explained, “She showed up outside the gates some years back. Alone.” She walked over to the table to pick up Dina’s plate. She dropped it in the sink. “She hasn’t said much about it, just that she had left New Mexico with her sister because of some crazy group of rebels there.”

Damn. “Must be hard,” Joel said, “being all by herself. She doesn’t look that much older than Ellie…”

Tommy nodded solemnly. He sat down at the table, inviting Joel to follow. “She ain’t by much. She didn’t have nowhere to go, so me and Maria let her stay here with us for a while. Eventually, she made herself some friends, found her footing here in Jackson.”

“She’s impressive,” Maria said. “She’ll be starting patrol training any day now.” Without asking, Maria prepared a plate of dinner for Joel. She set it down on the table and then joined them at the table. “You know,” she started, “I’m sure her and Ellie would get along well.”

Joel considered that as he chewed the food in front of him. “You think? I’ve been tellin’ Ellie she needs to try and make some friends here…”

Tommy leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “I don’t see why not,” he said. “Dina’s a nice girl. Outgoin’. If anyone is gonna bring Ellie out of her shell, it’ll be her.”

That’s exactly what Ellie needed. Joel was going to have to introduce them.

A few days later, Joel got his chance. He had decided to pick Ellie up from her shift at the stables on lunch break. “What do you say to some steak sandwiches?” he asked.

“Sounds good to me,” Ellie responded, “but only if you’re buying.” 

Joel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

Later, he would swear he hadn’t been scheming when he noticed Dina enter the Thirsty Bison with Eugene as he was ordering from Seth. Looked like they had had the same idea. Joel waited for the two of them to finish ordering before he pulled Ellie along with him to the other end of the bar to say hello. “Hey there, Eugene,” he greeted as he approached. They had been introduced by Tommy a while ago.

“Joel!” Eugene smiled widely and shook his hand. “It’s good to see you again, man. How are you guys holding up?”

“We’re holdin’ up just fine,” Joel said and pulled Ellie closer into his side, stopping her from slinking away. He looked to the girl standing beside Eugene. “It’s nice to see you again, Dina. How’ve you been?”

Dina’s smile reached her eyes as she responded, “I’m doing well, sir. Thanks for asking.” She felt Ellie’s eyes on her so she waved. “I’m Dina,” she said, introducing herself.

Joel nudged her and Ellie realized this is where she was supposed to say something back. “Oh, right… Ellie.” She waved back lamely. It had been months since she had been around people her own age.

Dina nodded, a smirk slowly started to make it way onto her face. “You’re the girl that’s been stealing all the jerky.”

Well that was embarrassing. Ellie blushed. She didn’t think anyone had noticed. She would have to work on that, she thought as she ignored Joel shaking in silent laughter next to her. “Uh…”

From behind the bar one of the kitchen staff called out, “Two ham sandwiches for Eugene?” Eugene raised a hand and the sandwiches were handed over to him. He passed one of them off to Dina.

Before they turned to leave Dina said, “Don’t worry, it’ll be our secret.” She was clearly teasing, Ellie’s thievery having already been announced. “See you around, Ellie.” With that she followed Eugene out the door, exiting through the one Eugene had been holding open for her. 

“Close your mouth, kid, or you’ll catch flies,” Joel chuckled and handed Ellie her sandwich. She hadn’t heard his name get called. 

“What?” Ellie asked, her eyes narrowing confusion. She hadn’t heard that particular figure of speech before.

Joel just shook his head, amused. “Nothin’. Don’t worry about it.” He began to lead Ellie out the doors. When they got outside Joel asked, “Now, what’s this I hear about you stealing jerky?”

When Ellie noticed he was smiling she playfully pushed him away. “Shut up you old fart.”

Joel tilted his head in consideration. “Well, that’s a new one,” he mumbled before unwrapping his sandwich and taking a bite, "but I ain't even really that old."

* * *

**4 Years Earlier...**

Some days Ellie, Dina, and Jesse would meet up in town before heading to the Thirsty Bison together for breakfast. It was early, before any of them were meant to head to their scheduled assignments for the day. Ellie was scheduled for a farm rotation that morning, Dina a shift with Eugene, tinkering with electronics for trading purposes while Jesse had patrol. He took over the conversation, telling the other two about what it was like to go on paired patrols. Ellie listened intently, not minding. It was far more interesting than farm rotation anyways and she was excited for the time when she was allowed to do the same.

During a lull in the conversation, Ellie mentioned that sometimes Tommy and Joel would take her along on their patrols.

"Yeah, well, that's only because you get special treatment," Dina joked, "but I guess that's what you get when you're practically related to Tommy and Maria."

Ellie playfully pushed her, a little embarrassed. "I do not! And besides," she started gesturing to the two of them, "you guys are just as close with Tommy and Maria as I am."

Jesse helped his girlfriend regain her footing, he was smiling. "Come on, Dina. Ellie pulls her weight during group patrols, she can take care of herself just fine." Before Ellie could smugly thank him, Jesse continued, "But yeah, having Tommy as your uncle probably has a lot to do with."

Ellie's thankful smile dropped. She did her best to ignore Dina's laughter. "Oh, shut up," she pouted.

Dina pulled ahead of her two friends before turning around, walking backwards as she talked, "Well, I'm excited to start paired patrol soon. Eugene's already agreed to partner up with me on my first go.”

“Why not just go along with Jesse?” Ellie asked, genuinely curious, motioning to the boy next to her.

Dina wiggled her eyebrows, suggestively. “Too many distractions.”

“Oh, dude, gross!” Ellie should have expected that.

Jesse just shook his head. Amused by their banter. Dina fell back into step next between Ellie and Jesse. Jesse threw a long arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. Ellie thought they were a sweet couple. 

As they approached the diner, greeting other Jackson residents as they went, Dina slowed down. “Hold up,” she called out, stopping them in their tracks. They looked at her, confused as to what had gotten her attention. “What’s happening over there?” she asked, pointing just to the left of the diner doors. Ellie's eyes followed Dina’s outstretched finger and landed on a particularly peculiar pair. Joel stood leaning against one of the poles of the wood awning, talking to a girl who looked to be around Ellie’s age. Dina continued, “Is that Cat?”

Ellie squinted. It was. Cat was sitting on the railing, her finger holding a place in the journal on her lap, a pen resting behind her ear. Ellie didn’t know much about Cat other than the fact that she was sort of rebellious, though the most she’d heard was that Cat had snuck out of Jackson a few times to skip out on assignment, but then again, who hadn’t? Ellie blushed. She sure as hell had noticed Cat before though. Like when she would brush up against Ellie when she sat next to her at movie night. Or like how the few times Ellie worked up the nerve to make a joke at the bonfires, Cat would laugh and touch Ellie’s knee.

But that didn't mean anything, Ellie told herself. Cat was probably just being friendly. Dina was always doing the same kinds of things and she was dating Jesse.

Jesse nudged Ellie, pulling her from her thoughts. “What do you think they’re talking about?” he asked her. He turned to Ellie when she didn't answer right away. A sly smile appearing on his face once he realized Ellie was flustered.

Ellie didn’t answer at all. Instead, she said, “You guys go ahead without me.” She was already stalking off towards the pair. “I’ll catch up with you!” she called behind her. Jesse and Dina exchange an amused look before entering the Thirsty Bison together.

From afar Ellie could hear Joel mention something about comic books. What the hell did Joel even know about comic books? Ellie awkwardly approached, bumping into Joel. “Hey…” she nervously greeted. “What’s going on over here?”

Joel was happy to see her. “Hey, kiddo,” he returned her greeting.

Cat, though previously engaged in her conversation with Joel, sat up straighter when Ellie approached, caught off guard. “Ellie, hey!” Though the two were right around the same age, they had never really interacted much outside of the social events put on by the community, or even the unofficial ones planned by some of the older kids that Ellie would inevitably be dragged to by Dina.

“Cat here was just telling me about some of her artwork," he said, motioning to the journal on said girl’s lap. “I mentioned that you’re into drawing too, ain’t ya Ellie?” There was a glint in his eye that Ellie didn’t quite recognize.

Ellie rubbed at the back of her neck. “Ah, I guess so.”

“That’s so cool,” Cat said. She seemed excited. “I had no idea! Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Oh,” Ellie started, embarrassed, “I’m not very good.”

Joel butted in, “Aw, well, she’s just being modest, Cat.” Then, quieter, mostly to Ellie, “It sure seems like y’all have something in common.”

Suddenly, it hit Ellie, that glint in Joel’s eyes. She fought the blush threatening to rise to her cheeks. She shot Joel a glare, asking, “Don’t you have patrol with Tommy this morning?” 

“Breakfast plans with Esther actually,” he corrected with a wink. Ellie groaned. Joel playfully ruffled her hair, laughing as she tried to push him off. “You kids have fun,” he told them as he left, entering the diner where Jesse and Dina were. He nodded in their direction as he passed them at their table. Dina waved with a smile. She had always liked Joel. She thought he was funny and really sweet with Ellie. Jesse returned Joel’s greeting with a nod of his own. He’d always looked up to the older man.

Dina looked to the door wondering when Ellie would be joining them. Or if she would be at all.

Outside, Ellie shuffled her feet, not sure how to continue the conversation now that Joel wasn’t there to lead it. Cat solved that problem for her, “Joel said you’re into comic books too?” she posed it as a question, hoping it would get Ellie to respond.

Ellie nodded. “Yeah… you?” she returned. She was trying. 

Cat could clearly tell she was nervous, but she just smiled back, a little sly. It was cute. “Why haven’t we ever hung out?” she asked, leaning back, more relaxed. Open.

Ellie racked her brain for an acceptable response because she wasn't sure how, _‘I can’t ever tell if you’re flirting with me, but I think you’re really cute and it makes me nervous’,_ will land. It probably wouldn’t come off very cool anyways. Instead, “I wasn’t sure you’d want to,” she decided on, lamely. 

Cat hopped off of the railing, still smiling. “You should show me your drawings sometime.” It’s an invitation. 

Ellie smiled back, “Yeah, that’d be cool! You'll show me yours too?” 

“Sure. I’ll show you mine, you show me yours,” Cat teased. And there was Ellie fighting that blush again. She failed and Cat chuckled. She pushed off the railing, her hand landing on Ellie’s shoulder. She let it trail down the length of the other girl’s arm as she walked away, “I’ll see you soon, El,” she called over her shoulder.

Ellie stayed rooted in her spot, stunned. The blush that had been threatening to appear had long won the battle. That sure felt like flirting. Maybe she had been wrong about Cat. Finally, she turned to head into the diner to join her forgotten friends, stopping before turning the door handle so she could try to slow her beating heart. She let out a soft, _fuck,_ as she entered. 

She spotted Dina and Jesse almost immediately. They were sitting across from each other at one of the tables near the door. She couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but they were holding hands on top of the table. Ellie walked over to them in a bit of a trance. She barely noticed Dina straighten, letting go of Jesse once she caught sight of her friend. 

Ellie plopped down in the seat next to Jesse. Dina laughed and motioned to the door. “What was that all about?” she asked.

Ellie swallowed before she said, “Oh, uh… you know. Just… Joel being Joel, I guess.”

Jesse chuckled. “Cat asking for your old man’s blessing?” Dina furrowed her brow while Ellie raised one of hers. Again, Jesse laughed, though this time it was out of disbelief. “C’mon man! Cat is totally into you.”

Since when did Ellie blush so much.

Jesse gaped at her, “What? You’re telling me you didn’t notice? Wow… you’re even more hopeless than we thought. Babe,” he called, grabbing Dina’s attention, “back me up.”

They were both looking at Dina waiting for her to respond. Dina leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms with a shrug. “She sure does stare at you an awful lot,” she settled on. After a second of silence and choosing to ignore her boyfriend’s smug look, Dina continued, “I don’t know why you’re so shocked by this… you're a catch, El," she sounded confident, but even so, Ellie didn’t catch how serious Dina was being. Their eyes briefly met.

Jesse crossed his arms over the table and leaned into them, “So… you gonna make a move?” The moment between Ellie and Dina was broken. 

Ellie pushed Jesse causing his arms to fall off the table. “Shut up,” she told him under her breath. Jesse just laughed. Dina rolled her eyes at their antics. She loved them a lot. 

Ellie stood. “I’m gonna go get us something to drink.” She headed towards the bar. 

Dina watched her go.

*******

It was bonfire night. Well, not officially. Rather than one of the monthly ones put on by Maria and Tommy, this was one planned by some of the older teens. As long as they didn’t get too out of hand and disturb the rest of the community, Maria allowed it. There was a silent agreement among the group to not get that particular privilege taken away and no one wanted to be the person to fuck it up. They’d been happening for as long as Ellie had been in Jackson and it didn’t take too long after her arrival for Dina to not let Ellie skip out on attending any longer. They hadn’t even really been friends during those earlier times, but Joel had been excited that Dina seemed so interested in striking up a friendship with her that he never stopped Dina from pulling her around Jackson to all of the social events.

Something similar had happened this particular night that Ellie found herself sitting on the edge of a fallen tree stump watching the bonfire, away from most of the crowd. 

Dina had burst into Ellie’s place a couple of hours earlier, catching her and Joel in the middle of one of their guitar lessons. So, really, the worst time for Dina to come around asking Ellie to accompany her to an event because she knew Joel would be on her side. Ellie could tell by the smirk that appeared on her face once she registered that Joel had been in the room with Ellie. 

Ellie swore she did this shit on purpose.

Dina had insisted, said that her and Jesse had broken up and she needed a plus one. Joel had sent his condolences her way. “Well, I sure am sorry to hear that, Dina,” he said politely, genuinely. He really liked Dina. She brought out the best in Ellie.

“Thank you, Joel, that means a lot,” Dina returned.

Ellie stared at her friend, incredulous at whatever act she was putting on for Joel. “That’s the second time in three months!” she exclaimed.

“Ellie,” Joel interrupted, grabbing her attention away from Dina. “Why don’t you go along with Dina? Seems like she could really use a friend right now.”

Ellie couldn’t believe it. She sighed and handed her guitar over to Joel, who took it with a smile. “Sure, Joel, of _course_ I will go and comfort my very best friend over her failed relationship by accompanying her to this shit show of a bonfire.” 

The smile Dina was giving her was pure evil. “Aww, thanks, El. You’re so sweet.”

Before Ellie could grab Dina and drag her out of the garage, the traitor spoke up, “You’re probably gonna want to take a jacket, kiddo. It’s s’posed to get chilly tonight.” He was absentmindedly strumming something on her guitar, not even trying to hide his amusement. Ellie let out a huff, yanking one of her jackets off the rack, before pulling Dina out the door, slamming it shut behind her trying to block out Joel’s deep laugh and final, “Y’all be safe now! Don’t do anything stupid!”

Dina couldn’t help but laugh too as Ellie dragged her along. It wasn’t until Ellie reached the fence's gate in her and Joel’s yard that she broke as well. “I hate you guys,” she said with a chuckle. 

Dina just shook her head, grabbing ahold of Ellie’s hand and said, “No you don’t.” 

She was right.

But then here she was, sitting at the edge of the bonfire alone, ditched by Dina not long after they had arrived. Dina had brought party favors thanks to Eugene and left them with Ellie in favor of alcohol, so it wasn’t all bad. There were right around twenty people there, probably aged from sixteen to twenty-two, all at various stages of sobriety. Dina thrived at these things, bouncing around the group, making sure to at least say hello to everyone. Ellie on the other hand, not so much. One of the joints Dina had given her sat lazily against her lips. This is usually how these things went.

At some point, Cat had plopped down next to her on the log, snatching the joint out of her fingers and took a hit. Ellie feigned annoyance, let out a quiet _Hey!,_ but there had been a small smile on her face. They hadn’t interacted much since Joel medled a week or so earlier, but they had had a chance to compare some of their drawings. Cat was really talented and she made sure Ellie believed the same about herself. 

Cat flipped her the bird, “Sharing is caring.”

Ellie’s eyes searched the crowd. She didn’t realize she was looking for anyone in particular until her eyes landed on Dina. Her friend was talking closely to one of the older boys, Will, probably trying to make Jesse jealous. 

She hadn’t noticed any of Dina’s pointed glances in her direction.

Cat followed her line of sight. She hummed. “She and Jesse break up again?” she asked. 

Ellie responded, “Yeah, well, for now. Give it another week though.” Cat handed the joint back to Ellie, her touch lingering. Ellie noticed. She turned her attention fully onto Cat, a question on her lips. Cat must have been expecting it if the smile on her face and raised eyebrow was any indication. 

Before she had the chance to work up the nerve to ask about Cat’s supposed flirtation, Ellie noticed something peeking out from under her companion’s sleeve. She tilted her head and nodded towards it. “What’s that?”

Cat looked down at her arm, smirked. “Oh,” she started, pulling back her sleeve, giving Ellie a clearer view, “you mean this?”

Ellie’s eyes widened. It was ink. “Woah!” she exclaimed. “Is that a tattoo? How the hell did you get one of those?” she asked, reaching for Cat’s arm. 

Cat was smiling wide then, proud to have impressed Ellie, “I fixed up an old tattoo gun.” Suddenly embarrassed she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “Well… Eugene helped me fix up an old tattoo gun.”

Ellie didn’t seem to care about how the tattoo gun got fixed. “That’s so fucking cool!” She was still gripping Cat’s arm not noticing as her thumb ran across the raised ink. Must have been recent. She asked, “You did this yourself?”

Cat nodded, a blush appearing on her cheeks. To hide it, she moved away, plucking the joint out of Ellie’s hand once again. 

Ellie couldn’t help but watch Cat’s lips as she took a long drag. She leaned a bit away and out of Cat’s space, a little breathless from her excitement and their previous proximity. A comfortable silence fell around them while Cat smoked, the chatter from around the fire barely noticeable. Ellie looked back to the crowd of her peers, but she wasn’t searching for anything this time.

Cat studied Ellie once she handed the joint back. She leaned back, propped up by her tattoo free arm, though it wouldn't be for long. “I can give you one if you want,” she said.

Ellie’s attention snapped back to the other girl. “What? You’re serious?”

Cat shrugged. Ellie considered her offer.

After a second, she frowned at her own arm. She asks, “Think you’d be able to cover up a chemical burn?” She turned her arm so Cat could get a good look at it. 

“I don’t see why not,” she responded. It was the first time she had gotten a good look at the injury. She didn’t react much. Ellie continued to stare at her scar, her emotions suddenly unreadable. Cat interrupted her thoughts, “So… you in?” 

It only took Ellie a single beat to respond, “Fuck yeah.” She gave Cat a wide, excited smile.

Before either of them had the chance to continue their conversation about the possibilities of design or how Ellie was supposed to pay Cat back, Dina decided to make her dramatic return. She plopped herself down right on Ellie’s lap, wrapping an arm around her friend’s shoulder. Ellie didn’t see Cat flinch back and briefly look away, her focus now hijacked by the girl on her lap.

“Will the two of you _puh-lease_ stop flirting?” Dina said, slightly slurring. Great. Though addressed to the both of them, it was clearly only aimed at Ellie.

Cat raised an eyebrow in Ellie’s direction, smirking at her while the other girl gaped at Dina. If Dina noticed, maybe Ellie was more oblivious than she thought. Or maybe she had just been teasing. Either way, it looked like Cat was going to have to try harder.

Rather than answer, Ellie, whose hands had been hovering over Dina’s hips, lightly grabbed a hold of them and pulled her friend off of her. Dina huffed. She was sitting on the other side of Ellie. 

Ellie laughed. “Yeah, like you’re one to talk,” she teased. “What were you and Will going on about?”

Dina shot her a sly smile, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Ellie looked down at her feet and shook her head, but not out of annoyance. Cat suddenly felt like she was intruding.

Dina leaned forward, looking past Ellie to the girl sat on her other side, “Hey, Cat, d’you finish that project you’ve been bothering Eugene about?” she asked. It came off innocent enough, but there was a little bit of a bite behind it. 

Cat narrowed her eyes for a split second, then, Ellie looked her way waiting for her to answer. “I did.” Cat noticed that Dina seemed not even a little interested as she looked back to the fire.

If Ellie noticed her friend’s tone she didn’t comment and instead lit up. “Cat was just telling me about it! About how she fixed up this old tattoo gun she found! How cool is that?”

“Huh…” Dina glanced at the exposed ink on Cat’s wrist.

Cat jumped in, “Ellie was thinking about getting one.”

“Yeah? And you’re doing the tattooing?” she gestured at Cat who nodded in response. “What’s Joel think about that?” 

Ellie tilted her head, confused and annoyed. If anything, she had expected her friend to be excited, or even interested at the least, not use Joel against her. “It’s none of Joel’s business,” she said.

Dina turned her attention back onto the crowd with a scoff, saying something under her breath that Ellie didn’t quite catch. Dina's eyes found Jesse in the midst of their peers. Jesse was safe. She didn’t look at Ellie when she told her, “Don’t wait up for me.” With that, she pushed off the log and headed towards the boy. Ellie started to question her, but didn’t get the chance to finish her thought, her friend already gone.

Cat eyed Dina as she sauntered up to her ex, “Well… that was fast.”

Ellie sighed. “It sure was...”

*******

Ellie had rolled out of bed earlier than she was used to. She’d had a particularly rough time trying to fall asleep, dreaming of a time when she had been so close to bliss just for it to have been so quickly snatched from her. She was too shaken to try and sleep any longer. 

Ellie was sitting at her desk, journal open and pen in hand, trying to calm her thoughts. She was scheduled for group patrol that morning. Usually her and Dina walked to the stables together after the latter’s incessant knocking jump started her day, stopping her from oversleeping, but it had been a few days since the bonfire. Dina hadn’t spoken to her since. Ellie was suspicious that Dina was avoiding her, though she wasn’t sure why. Even so, she was ready to apologize to her for whatever it was that she had done.

She couldn’t lose Dina.

Absentmindedly, Ellie doodled in her journal, killing time before she was meant at the stables for briefing. At some point she glanced over at the guitar Joel had gifted her not long after they had arrived in Jackson, lost in thought. The moth painted on the neck stared back. After a beat, her attention shifted back to her journal, her strokes more sure.

Ellie was focused on her task when a timid knock sounded on her door. She would have missed it if it weren’t for the fact that Ellie was holding out hope that it would be Dina. She popped out of her chair and lightly jogged to the door, making sure to take a breath so as to not seem too eager when she opened it. Just in case.

It _was_ Dina. “Hey,” she said when Ellie pulled the door open to reveal her. She wasn’t as enthusiastic as Ellie had learned to get used to. 

Ellie greeted her back, “Hey…” 

Dina motioned behind her with a stiff nod of her neck. “Assignments.”

Well, that felt all wrong. Ellie opened the door wider, wordlessly inviting Dina in. “Let me pack up real quick.” Ellie reached for her shoes and leaned against the end table to put them on as Dina entered, closing the door lightly behind her. She walked deeper into the garage towards Ellie’s desk. Her eyes wandered around the desktop before landing on Ellie’s open journal. The pages were covered in doodles of flowers, trees, the start of a face. There was a drawing taking up most of the page on the right: a moth. Dina ran the hand that wasn’t resting on the back of the chair over the drawing. “What’s this?” she asked softly.

Ellie looked over her shoulder as she pulled on her boots, “Ah…” Before parting ways the night of the bonfire, Cat had told Ellie to think about what she wanted her tattoo to be, but after thinking back to that night Ellie decided it would be best to avoid that topic with Dina entirely. “It’s nothing,” she said. “Just some silly doodles.”

She caught Dina shake her head out of the corner of her eye. She was still staring down at her journal. “It’s not silly.”

For a second it was silent. Finished with the laces of her boots, Ellie walked over to the rack against her wall, unhooking a light jacket from its hanger. “Hey,” she started, calling Dina’s attention as she pulled the jacket on over her small frame, “I just wanted to say sorry… if I, uh, said something wrong at the bonfire the other night.” The apology clearly caught Dina off guard, but before she could question where it was coming from, Ellie continued, “It’s just that… it feels like you’ve been avoiding me.”

Suddenly Dina felt ridiculous. Why did her friend have to be so dense about all of the wrong things? After a beat of Ellie looking at her like that, she broke. “No, Ellie, I… you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s all me. I was embarrassed about the way I acted that night, you know, all drunk and teasing you about Cat right in front of her.”

Ellie’s eyes went wide, a bit shocked at the confession and embarrassed at her misdirected apology. “Oh.”

“I guess I was just worried you were mad at me,” Dina finished, avoiding eye contact with the other girl. 

It wasn’t until Ellie let out a soft chuckle, more out of relief than anything, did Dina meet her eyes. Ellie shook her head, smiling at her friend as she approached her desk to collect the rest of her stuff. “Stupid,” Ellie aimed at Dina adoringly.

Hearing that and knowing that that was all it took to know they were back to normal, Dina playfully punched her friend on the shoulder. Ellie feigned hurt. “Look who’s talking,” Dina shot back. She stepped back from the desk, watching Ellie throw her journal into her pack along with a couple protein bars in case they got hungry before zipping it up. Then, Ellie tucked her gun into the back pocket of her jeans, something that Dina loved to tease her endlessly about.

Ellie adjusted the backpack on her shoulders before heading towards the door. She turned back to Dina when she noticed the other girl didn’t immediately follow. “You coming?” She was smirking. “Don’t want to be late for assignments right before you’re about to get all promoted and shit for paired patrol.”

Dina followed her out. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Anyone ever tell you you’re really fucking annoying?”

“Many a time actually,” Ellie said, falling into step next to Dina. 

Dina, hands holding onto the straps of her pack, pushed Ellie away from her with her shoulder, laughing. Ellie smiled wide, glad the awkwardness between the two of them was gone. She returned to her spot walking closely next to Dina. Dina broke the comfortable silence as they walked past the greenhouses, “For the record,” she looked down at her shoes, “Cat seems to really like you." She ignored how much the admittance hurt.

"Oh boy… here we go," Ellie mumbled. "I thought you just said you felt bad about teasing me about this."

"Actually, I said I felt bad about teasing you about this _in front_ of her," Dina corrected. 

"Great. Thanks for clarifying." Before Dina had the chance to continue, hoping that showing her support would make up for avoiding her friend, Ellie cut in, "What's going on with you and Jesse? You guys back together?"

Dina nearly tripped, "What? No. What makes you think that?"

In a different circumstance the look Ellie gave her would have made her laugh, "Uh, I don't know, maybe it was you guys making out at the bonfire the other night that gave it away."

Dina considered her answer, supposed that yes, that might make it seem that way. "Well, we're not," she told her. "It was just… I was drinking, it didn't mean anything."

Ellie didn't seem to believe her, but she didn't want to pry since Dina had suddenly seemed defensive. She shrugged. "If you say so."

They were the last two to arrive at the stables but that wasn't anything new.

"Hey, kiddo," was called out upon her entering, pulling her attention away from the board to see who she had been grouped with.

"You're late." Joel stood with Shimmer in hand along with his own horse, Artax.

Looked like that answered her question.

"Yeah, yeah," Ellie responded. She knew he was mostly joking. "That would mean Dina's late too, you know. Aren’t you gonna lecture her?"

Dina just smiled politely. "Morning, Joel," she said before turning back to Ellie, the smile suddenly seeming _too_ sweet.

Joel happily greeted back, "G'mornin', Miss Dina." 

Dina playfully raised her eyebrows, whispering at Ellie, "Oh, hear that? I'm _Miss_ Dina."

"Ugh, shut up," Ellie grumbled back.

Joel nodded at the both of them, stopping their bickering, "The both of you are with me today." 

Ellie approached, grabbing a hold of Shimmer's reins, "Cool." 

"They've already got Japan ready for you," Joel said to Dina before she had the chance to go and grab her horse. He clicks, signaling Artax to follow him. Ellie does the same.

"Oh," Dina said, poking Ellie with her elbow. "We must be _really_ late, huh?"

Joel just chuckled, "Naw, y'all're fine. Tommy's just a little impatient this mornin'. Ain't nothin' to worry 'bout."

"Dina! Hey!" It was Jesse standing at the mouth of the stables as they exit. He had Japan. Dina seemed surprised to see him. She approached him. He was holding up his hand in a motionless wave, a smile on his face, "Nice of the two of you to join us." He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her cheek before handing off Japan to her. 

Dina was stunned, slowly taking Japan's reins from him, "Uh, thanks." Clearly, she and Jesse were not on the same page.

She turned to Ellie whose face adorned a sly smile. _"I thought so,"_ it seemed to say. Dina tried to discreetly shake her head.

Ellie took a spot next to her friends as Tommy briefed everyone, "Now that we're all here…" he started, pointedly looking at Ellie, though he didn't really seem that annoyed at all.

Ellie leaned behind Dina to get to Jesse, "What are you doing here?" she asked, happy to see him.

Jesse was less obvious about not listening to the briefing. He'd probably heard it a hundred times at that point anyways, but he had been offered a huge opportunity and didn't want to blow it. He talked out of the corner of his mouth, shrugging. "Tommy thought it'd be a good idea to show me the ropes of running patrol."

"Hmm," Ellie nodded, impressed.

Dina's attention was now on the quiet conversation her friends were having, "Really?" she sounded a little disbelieving.

Jesse narrowed his brow for a split second at her tone. "Yes?" he questioned back at her.

"Good for you, man," Ellie interrupted before whatever was about to happen between the couple happened.

Jesse was looking at Dina with a satisfied smile when he said, "Thank you, _Ellie_." Again, Dina rolled her eyes at him, she couldn't stop herself around these two, but she was smiling back.

"You know the drill, don't ya Ellie?" Tommy called her out. All eyes were suddenly on her. Joel was trying not to laugh. "If you run into anything you can't handle…?" he started, prodding Ellie to finish the thought.

Ellie sighed, "You come right back." Dina was covering her mouth, looking down at the ground, trying her best to hide her laughter though the shaking of her shoulders gave her away while Jesse had snapped to attention. It didn't bother Ellie too much, she had learned to expect this stuff out of Tommy and Joel. They liked to mess with her.

Joel approached her and Dina and handed them each a rifle. He ruffled Ellie's hair once she took it from him. She shooed him off as Tommy continued, "Miguel, Jen, Astrid, and Matti, y'all are with me and Jesse. We'll take the creek trails." 

Joel nodded, "Ellie and Dina, Kyle, and Huan are with me. We'll take the route up to the ski lodge. We stick together, you hear?" He looked between Ellie and Dina, "I'm sure the two of you won't have a problem with that, will you?" That glint in his eye was back. 

"No, sir," Dina told him happily.

Ellie groaned, "Can we please get going?" She couldn't believe those two got along so well. She would never admit how much she loved it.

Joel clapped his hands once and began walking backwards towards his horse. "Well, y'all heard her. Let's get goin'."

Before Jesse hopped on his horse to join Tommy and the rest of his group he patted Ellie on the shoulder, grabbing her attention. He stuck a fist out. Ellie bumped his fist with her own. He then kissed the top of Dina's head, "You two be safe out there."

"Yeah, you too," Ellie said before hoisting herself onto Shimmer. She turned to Dina, who had settled on Japan. "You better watch my back out there, D."

Dina chuckled, "Oh, _trust_ me, El, you don't have to worry about that." 

Her tone made Ellie blush, _"What the fuck?"_

Now on his horse, Tommy called out to the patrols at the gate, "Open'er up!"

With that, a chorus of clicks and _hyas!_ rang out from the group, their horses kicking up dirt as they exited the gates of their safe haven.

* * *

**3 Years Earlier...**

Eventually Ellie had found herself sitting in Cat’s basement. She shared the house with both of her parents and her younger brother. Cat’s mom greeted her when she arrived, saying that she had heard a lot about her and that it was nice to finally meet her. Ellie made sure to be extra polite. Joel would be proud. Maybe. She hadn’t exactly told him the specifics of what she was doing at Cat’s. If he had a problem with it, he was going to have to get over it.

After some more thought and pages of sketches Ellie had decided on a tattoo design. She handed it off to Cat who took the time to figure out the logistics of it, including having to figure out how it would fit around Ellie’s arm. She’d done some finessing to the design all while reassuring Ellie that she had done a great job and that is was going to look so fucking cool when it was done. She’d also mentioned to Ellie that it was going to take awhile for it to get done. “Looks like we’ll be spending some time together,” she had said, smirking. “You okay with that?”

Ellie was getting more used to the playful flirting. “Ah,” she started, returning the smirk, “now I see why you offered to tattoo me.”

Cat was tracing the design onto Ellie’s arm in marker. “Damn… you caught me.”

They fell silent as Cat worked. Ellie watched her for a bit before finally answering her question, “Yes, by the way. I’m okay with it.” She had said it so softly.

Cat looked up, confused as to what Ellie was commenting on. It took her a beat before it dawned on her. She squeezed Ellie’s hand, the one that rested across her lap, before she continued with her task. 

Cat stopped before she started drawing over Ellie’s chemical burn. Ellie could see she wanted to ask, but there was this unspoken rule in Jackson that you didn’t ask people about their pasts. Ellie wasn’t even sure how’d she go about explaining it and she was sure Joel didn’t even want her talking about it at all. He was always nervous that she was going to slip up. 

“Uh…” Cat met her eyes as she started. Ellie tried her best to laugh it off. “It was just a dumb accident,” she told her.

If Cat didn’t believe her she didn’t let it show, just got back to work, moving slower over the raised skin. Ellie couldn’t feel it. “We all have a few of those,” Cat tried to reassure her. 

_“No,”_ Ellie wanted to say, _“I’m pretty sure it’s just me.”_ Instead, she settled on, “Yeah.” Her throat was suddenly dry.

They hadn’t even gotten to the actual tattooing that night, but Cat made sure that Ellie came back the next afternoon. She was worried that the marker would wash off if they waited too long to continue. Ellie wore long sleeves around Joel that morning. He didn’t notice.

Ellie was introduced to Cat’s dad when she had come around for the second time. She had recognized him from the clinic, a place she had found herself too often. Cat’s mom seemed happy to see her again. After pleasantries, Cat had eagerly pulled Ellie back into the basement, excited to get started. Ellie was just as pumped.

"This is probably gonna hurt," Cat told her before starting.

Ellie couldn't help but try and play it tough. "I'm sure I've had worse," she said. "I can handle it."

Cat was clearly amused by this. She shrugged and said, "Okay, yeah, if you say so." The tattoo gun suddenly began to buzz. "Just let me know if you need me to stop." Before Ellie could try and refute her any longer the needle touched skin.

"Shit!" Ellie yelped almost immediately, tensing up.

Cat pulled away, smug. She had an eyebrow raised. "You were saying?" she asked, watching Ellie stare down her arm, a frown on her face, her bottom lip just slightly jutting out. _God_ , she was cute.

Ellie's eyebrows furrowed but there was a little smile on her face as she looked up at Cat. "Oh, shut up," she told her, trying her best to pout. The breathless chuckle at the end wasn't helping her case.

"Don't move this time," Cat ordered. "I don't want to fuck this up." She scooted back towards Ellie, firing up the tattoo gun once again.

"Yes, ma'am," Ellie responded before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. This time Ellie tried not to wince, her jaw clenched.

By the end of the day Cat had finished nearly all of the linework. "Not that bad, huh?" Cat joked when she pulled back. Ellie's eyes stayed squeezed shut until she heard the buzzing of the tattoo gun stop.

When she finally looked down Ellie quickly decided she loved it. So much so that she tried to stop Cat from wrapping her arm up in a bandage. "Woah, woah, what are you doing?" she asked, slightly pulling her arm back. She had been so relaxed as Cat messaged lotion into her arm.

"I've gotta cover it up or it'll get infected," Cat said and motioned for Ellie to give her her arm back. "You can show it off tomorrow."

"Mmm…" She watched her tattoo disappear under the wrap.

Cat tried to get Ellie to meet her eyes, pulling them away from her arm, "Ellie," she called, "I'm serious. Please. Just until tomorrow after breakfast at least."

"Yes, okay? Fine," Ellie agreed. "You happy?"

Cat looked smug again. She finished wrapping the bandage, tucking the final end underneath it. She ducked her head and left a soft kiss in the center of Ellie's wrapped arm. When she pulled back she said, "I am. Thank you."

Ellie watched her wide eyed as Cat moved back. She didn't dare comment. Cat reached over to the end table next to her and grabbed a hold of the bottle of lotion there. She held it in front of Ellie, "There's not much in here, but make sure you put some on after you take the wrapping off."

Ellie swallowed, her brain not caught up enough to try and fight back this time. She took the bottle. "Sure," she said. It came out scratchy. It looked like Cat knew exactly what she had done as they sat there in front of one another. Ellie suddenly felt vulnerable under the attention. "Uh… I should get going."

Whatever spell had fallen over them was broken. Ellie stood up. Cat followed. "Yeah, of course. I'll walk you out."

They walked to the first floor in silence. Ellie spoke once they reached the door. It was dark, late in the evening. "Thanks, Cat. This is really great." She motioned to her arm.

"Aw," Cat cooed and rubbed her neck, bashful. "Well, we're not done yet, but we're gonna have to wait a couple weeks before we can keep going." When she saw disappointment cross Ellie's face she added, "To let it heal." 

Ellie nodded in understanding. She stayed silent for a while though it looked like she wanted to say something. Cat waited patiently. Ellie opened her mouth, "Would it be cool if we could… uh… could hang out sometime before then?" she asked, timidly.

Cat smiled softly. She really liked this girl. "Yeah of course."

"Sweet," Ellie said, her smile was wide, goofy. She turned. "I'll see you later, Cat." 

"Night, Ellie."

When Ellie got back to her place she kept her word, not peeking under the bandage. She pulled a sweatshirt over her head and kicked her jeans off before falling into bed, the dull throb of her arm forgotten.

The next morning Dina was scheduled for her first paired patrol. They had been okay since Ellie apologized and she had promised to see Dina off. She had to head that way anyway, scheduled for the day guarding the wall. 

As she got ready to head to the stables, jumping into the pair of jeans she had discarded the night before, there was a knock at the door. "Hey, kiddo, it's me," called out from the other side of the door.

Ellie made sure the sleeve of her sweatshirt was pulled over the bandage. She wasn't awake enough to try and dodge Joel's questions. And she didn't really want to worry him, the bandage having covered her whole forearm. She pulled the door open. "Hey, Joel," she greeted and then retreated to begin packing her bag.

Joel entered and took a look around, closing the door behind him. He'd been inside the garage a hundred times so Ellie wasn't quite sure why he still did that. "I saw you got in kinda late last night…" he stated, but Ellie could hear the question behind it.

"Yeah," she responded. "I was with Cat."

Joel just nodded and slowly moved through the space. "That's good, that's good. I'm glad you've some got friends here."

"Me too," Ellie responded softly, tossing her journal into the bag. There was usually a lot of downtime while on the gate.

"What're you up to this morning?" 

Ellie let out air through her nose. She knew he was just checking in on her but sometimes he could be suffocating. "Dina's got her first paired patrol today, so… I'm gonna go see her off. And then I've got wall duty."

Joel uncrossed his arms. "Well, that sure is excitin'," he said. "Let her know I send my congrats and that I said to be safe out there."

"I will."

"You know who she's riding with?" he asked.

"Eugene," Ellie said as she zipped up her backpack.

"Ah, well, Eugene's a good guy. He won't let anythin' happen to her out there," he told her. Ellie knew this but still she had been a little nervous. She guessed it was sweet that Joel could sense her anxiety. "And Dina is more than capable," he added, letting out a deep laugh.

Ellie let out a chuckle of her own. "Yeah she is," she agreed. She slipped into the straps of her bag and adjusted them until they were comfortable. "I'll see you later?"

"Hmm," Joel started, "well, I'm helpin' out Esther at the clinic today…" Joel was going soft, Ellie thought. "How about we do dinner tonight?" he offered, hopeful.

"Sure," Ellie nodded. "But only if you invite your lady friend."

"Okay, kid," Joel said with a chuckle and a roll of his eyes. "Then why don't you go ahead and bring Dina along? We can celebrate her promotion."

"I'm sure she'd like that."

Joel smiled and after a beat he motioned to the door behind him, "Well, you better go on and get goin'. Don't want to miss her."

Ellie passed by him, making her way to the door. Before she could leave Joel called out, "You be safe too, Ellie."

Ellie smiled at him over her shoulder. "Always am," she told him.

Joel considered that for a moment, "Now, I don't know if that's true."

Ellie shook her head with a chuckle, "Shut it, old man." She softly closed the door behind her and made her way to the stables. 

She made sure to greet Shimmer on her arrival. It seemed like the briefing hadn't started yet. She spotted Dina and Jesse and Will, the boy Ellie had seen Dina flirting with the night of the bonfire, standing together.

Dina saw her approaching before she could announce herself. "Ellie!" she called, perking up. She met her halfway. "You remembered! I mean… you made it!" 

Ellie rolled her eyes as Dina threw her arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. "How could I _possibly_ forget?" she teased and shot a look over Dina's shoulder at Jesse. They shared a smile having been on the receiving end of Dina's excitement for weeks at that point.

Dina pulled away, her arms still on Ellie's shoulders. She tried to look annoyed but there was a smile on her face, "Are you making fun of me?" she accused.

"No. Never," Ellie answered, not able to hide her smile. Dina punched her arm. Ellie rubbed it. "Joel sends his well wishes. Said," she mimicked Joel's southern drawl, "'that Dina sure is capable, you’ve got nothin' to worry 'bout.'"

Dina's eyes softened. "You told Joel that you're worried about me?" she asked softly.

"Wha--? No," she got defensive before realizing what she had said and blushed. "Shut up." Dina giggled. Ellie cleared her throat before saying, "He uh… wanted me to invite you over for dinner tonight. To celebrate."

"That's sweet of him. I'll be there."

"Cool."

"Okay, listen up," was shouted over the chatter. The briefing was starting, Eugene giving it this time. Ellie liked Eugene. "You guys know the drill."

Jesse approached Ellie and Dina, two rifles in his hand. He handed one over to his girlfriend, the other for himself. "Thanks, babe," she said in a whisper.

Eugene continued, "Let's officially welcome Dina to the team." He smiled proudly. There were whoops and claps from the other patrols. "Hopefully we can make this quick and painless. And if you run into anything you can't handle…?" he held his arms out, inviting everyone to participate. Eugene was fun like that.

Everyone did. "You come right back!" rang out among the group. Dina's voice carried over the rest. 

Ellie watched as everyone saddled up, petting Japan as Dina got comfortable on him. Dina looked down at her. "I'll see you tonight, 'kay?" she assured Ellie.

"Yeah," Ellie said. "Stay safe."

"You know I will.”

Ellie nodded. She fist bumped Jesse as she walked by him, making her way to the ladder against the gate's tower. When she made it to the base of it she heard Eugene call out, "Go ahead and open it up!"

Ellie turned and watched them go, listening for the sound of the horses' hooves for as long as she could hear them.

*******

Dina did in fact make it back in one piece. Ellie had still been in the gate tower with one of the older patrols, Greg, when Dina and Eugene returned. They had taken one of the shorter routes since it had been Dina’s first go. Dina had waved up to Ellie as she galloped through the open gate on Japan, calling up to her, “I’m gonna go wash off. I’ll see you in a bit!”

Ellie had been leaning against the railing of the tower writing in her journal, a bit about Cat and her tattoo and something about her excitement about dinner with Dina and Joel all while absentmindedly doodling in the margins. Dina hadn’t even given her a chance to respond before she was gone. Greg had grabbed Ellie’s attention, motioning for her to help him close the gate behind them. It was probably around five o’clock which meant the end of Ellie and Greg’s shifts though they would have to wait for their replacements. Ellie hadn’t had the chance to take off the bandage and lotion up her tattoo earlier and it was starting to itch, the only relief coming from the light scratches she ran up and down her arm over her sleeve.

Ten minutes later Bonnie called up to the tower, “Greg! Ellie! Y’all are good to go.”

Ellie sighed in relief and picked up her bag off the floor, leaning the rifle up against the railing for the next patrol. Greg told her to go ahead down the ladder first. 

Ellie thanked him and told him to have a good night and then the same with Bonnie and Astrid as she passed them at the base of the ladder. She took off in a light jog, making sure to give Shimmer some good night pats before she went home. Once she got there she kicked her shoes off at the door and dropped her bag on her bed. Next went the sweatshirt and quickly after, the bandage around her arm. The skin around the tattoo was red, maybe a little inflamed, and itchy as all hell. Her left hand was twitching to scratch it. She didn’t, wanting to be able to have another session as soon as possible.

Shucking the rest of her clothes off, Ellie hopped in the shower, the sweat of the past two days washing off of her. She made sure to be gentle with her inked arm and she rubbed soap over it. Once she was finished and dried, she followed Cat’s instructions, using the lotion she had given her on her arm, before dressing. A fresh pair of jeans along with a flannel, not that there was much else in her closet anyways. The sleeve of it didn’t fully cover the design on her arm, the tip of the fern that worked its way up the back of her hand poked out from underneath it. Maybe Joel wouldn’t notice.

She made her way across the yard, stepping up onto Joel’s back porch. She let herself in. From where she stood at the back door she could hear laughter coming from the kitchen. Joel and Esther. She closed the door lightly behind her, not wanting to disturb them.

Anytime Ellie had questioned Joel about his relationship with Esther he would tell her that there was nothing to it, that she was just a nice lady. Well, clearly, Joel liked her a lot, but he was a fine southern gentleman of course, so Ellie was more than certain he would never be the one to make the first move.

Esther was in fact a nice lady, Ellie thought. She had been the one to check them out at the clinic upon her and Joel's return to Jackson. Esther had _tsked_ at the chemical burn on Ellie’s arm that she and Joel had hastily caused to cover her bite just before their return and then had wrapped in an old rag. It wasn’t the prettiest of jobs that was for sure. Esther had thrown out the rag and soothed the burn with some sort of cream, all while Joel stood by watching the interaction to make sure Ellie was okay.

That was until Esther had insisted she also take a look at Joel all while he told her, _“Naw, miss, no need to worry ‘bout me. I’m fine.”_

Ellie had told Esther that Joel was lying, calling out the old wound on his torso that Ellie had done her best to fix up. As she worked on cleaning his wound she asked questions that Joel politely answered. Things like, _"Where'd you guys travel from...? Boston, hmm...? I'd gotten to go one time when I was younger… before all of this. It was nice once."_ And, _"You and your daughter traveled here all the way from Boston by yourselves…?"_

Ellie had jumped in then, correcting Esther. Joel wasn't her dad.

Esther looked a little surprised, or maybe confused. Ellie didn't look at Joel to see his reaction. If he'd even had one at all. Esther continued, _"Well, I'm glad you guys got here safe."_

She had stopped by Joel's house a few times after that to check in on Jackson’s newest arrivals. Or at least it had started like that. As time went on Ellie noticed Joel and Esther around Jackson together. Sometimes sitting at the bar in the Tipsy Bison side by side or walking each other home after their shifts a couple times a week. 

Ellie noticed that Esther didn't always know what to make of her. She knew Joel cared about Ellie a lot, like a daughter, but Ellie didn't live in the house with him and rather outside in the garage. But that didn't stop Ellie from sometimes letting herself into Joel's house unannounced to eat something he'd cooked or to steal some supplies if she had run out.

Joel had never minded and eventually Esther had gotten used to their relationship the more she came around.

Now, Ellie slipped into the kitchen. Joel was leaning back against the counter next to the stove while Esther stood on the opposite side of center island, leaning onto her elbows that were resting there. Music was playing softly, something country of course. It looked like Joel had brought down the record player from his bedroom. There was something sizzling on the stove, probably some kind of meat, Ellie thought. Joel would have wanted to play it safe and cook something he was confident he could nail.

“Hey,” Ellie finally announced herself. “I see you haven’t burnt the place down yet.”

Joel was used to Ellie’s sudden appearances and barely reacted meanwhile Esther looked like she was recovering from a bit of shock. She shook it off fairly quickly. “Oh, you know I wouldn’t let that happen,” she said smiling at Joel.

“Now, now,” Joel said, sounding only slightly offended, “there ain’t no need to attack me like that.”

Ellie walked further into the kitchen, hopping up onto the counter top in front of Joel. She swung her legs back and forth, getting a good look at what was cooking. It was steak. Four of them, two in each skillet and then another smaller pan containing cut mushrooms and onions. That's the pan that Esther had to look out for. “Looks good,” Ellie told him.

Rather than respond Joel questioned, “How was lookout?”

Ellie shrugged. “You know… just as uneventful as usual.” 

“Hmm… and Dina make back okay?” he asked. 

“She did. Should be here soon.”

“That’s good to hear."

After that Joel had asked Esther if she could help him make the salad. She walked around the island to stand next to him. Joel washed and chopped the lettuce while Ester chopped some tomato, their hips bumping every now and again as they swayed to the music. Ellie watched them for a bit as she absentmindedly rubbed at her arm over the sleeve of her flannel.

Soon there had been a knock at the door. Ellie slid off the counter, saying she’d get it. Joel and Esther were too distracted with each other anyways. Ellie rolled her eyes as she approached the door. Opening it revealed Dina. Her hair was tied up still looking a little damp. They were right in the middle of spring, but the nights still got chilly so she was in a long sleeved shirt that hung off one shoulder and a pair of jeans. “Are you going to invite me in?” Dina asked.

“Oh. Right,” Ellie said. Dina totally noticed that she had sort of checked her out. She moved aside, hiding her blush.

Once Dina entered she walked on, making her way into the kitchen, leaving Ellie to shut the door behind her. Ellie heard her exclaim, “Something smells good!” She heard Esther and Dina exchange pleasantries.

“Howdy, Dina,” Joel greeted. “Glad you could make it.”

Ellie joined Dina in the kitchen just as she said, “No way I would miss out on this.” She laughed. “Thank you for having me, by the way.”

Joel set the knife down on the cutting board and moved over to the stove to check the steaks. “Well of course. This one here doesn’t bring y’all around enough.” He used the metal spatula to point at Ellie.

Dina nudged Ellie with her shoulder. “I agree,” she said. Then to Joel, “I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on us after all this time.”

Ellie shook her head. “Oh, trust me, you haven’t missed out on much. The only reason this place hasn’t gone up in flames yet is ‘cause Esther’s here.”

“Hey now,” Joel warned and turned to Esther for back up. 

He was looking in the wrong place he realized when Esther said, “She’s kind of right.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Dina said, coming to Joel’s defense.

“Why thank you, Miss Dina. That’s real nice of you.” He motioned to both Esther and Ellie, before adding, “These two come into _my_ house and disrespect me... y’all're lucky I like ya,” he joked.

Dina furrowed her brow and pointedly shook her head at Ellie. “So rude…” she said under her breath before turning back to Joel, who was playfully being comforted by Esther. “Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked.

Joel looked over his shoulder. “Well, the steaks are about ready… Ellie, why don’t you show Dina to the plates and stuff and y’all can go ahead and set the table.” 

Dina followed Ellie just outside of the kitchen to the cabinet against the wall. She opened one of the cabinet doors, pulled out a stack of plates, and handed them to Dina. Ellie heard her friend let out a gasp as she reached for the bowls. “What the hell is _that_?” Dina asked. Ellie’s sleeves had ridden up.

She quickly dropped her arms back to her side. “Nothing.”

“That is clearly not nothing.” She put the plates back on the shelf that she had watched Ellie take them from and then reached for Ellie’s right arm. Dina pulled Ellie’s sleeve up past her elbow, the ink now revealed in full. Realization dawned on Dina’s face. “You didn’t,” she said.

Ellie took her arm back and quickly readjusted her sleeve to cover the tattoo, looking past Dina’s shoulder. When she looked back to Dina her friend’s mouth had dropped. “I did,” Ellie responded, whispering and hoping Dina would do the same.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Dina asked, keeping her voice down.

“I don’t know!” Ellie said, “I figured if I just went and had it done it would be too late for anyone to stop me.”

Dina opened her mouth to respond but Joel beat her to it, “Y’all okay in there? You didn’t get lost now did ya, Ellie?” He let out a soft chuckle.

Ellie made sure to look at Dina when she responded, “Nah, we’re coming.” She took a hold of the bowls once again. “Not a word,” she told Dina, dropping her volume. 

Dina held her hands up in surrender before grabbing the plates and following Ellie back into the kitchen. She followed Ellie’s lead, placing the glass plates where Ellie had already placed the bowls. Ellie was setting forks and knives in their places when Esther placed the salad bowl in the center of the table. Joel followed with the steaks, now all sharing a serving platter. “Dinner is served,” he announced. 

Ellie and Dina sat on one side of the table while Joel and Esther shared the other side. Dina spoke up first as she scooped some of the salad into her bowl, “It looks delicious, Joel.” Esther went ahead and offered them some iced tea she had brewed. All three accepted.

“Yeah,” Ellie started, staring down at the steak Joel had dropped on her plate. He served the other two to Dina and Esther respectively. “I hope it tastes as good as it looks.”

Joel just laughed. “I hope so too, kiddo.” Before Dina could take a bite Joel said, “Ellie might’ve mentioned a while ago that you’re Jewish, Dina. I went ahead and did my research. Made sure I knew what was okay for you to eat.” Dina looked confused, stopping midway through cutting a piece of steak. 

“You know?” Joel began, “It’s all _kosher._ ”

Ellie had no idea what any of that meant, but Dina sure looked like she was at a loss for words. “Oh!” she exclaimed, composing herself. “Wow, Joel… that is just… really sweet of you. Thank you."

Joel looked proud of himself as he nodded, accepting her appreciation. When he turned his attention to the food in front of him, Dina shot Ellie a funny look before Joel asked Dina about her first paired patrol. She happily answered his questions.

It wasn’t until later when Ellie was walking Dina home that she explained, “I didn’t have the heart to tell him that we never bothered with the kosher laws because of the outbreak. Lack of resources really makes you start to care less about those kinds of things.”

They had laughed all the way to Dina’s.

Before Dina had retreated into her home she turned to Ellie. “Can I see it again?” she asked motioning to Ellie’s arm. Ellie rolled her sleeve to her elbow, holding out her arm for Dina to see. Dina took a hold of her and studied the design. Her hand ghosted over the moth. It wasn’t finished but she sighed, recognizing it from the months before from Ellie’s journal. “I wish you would have said something. I wouldn’t have tried to talk you out of it if that’s what you were worried about.”

Ellie shrugged, watching as Dina traced the design with her finger. “You just didn’t seem all that interested when Cat had mentioned it.”

Dina didn’t respond right away, just continued to stroke Ellie’s arm. Ellie tried her best to keep her breathing steady but failed when Dina continued, “I’ll always be interested with what’s going on with you.” 

“Right…” Ellie’s throat was impossibly dry. Their exchange hadn’t lasted much longer after that. Dina having pulled away, thanking Ellie once again for inviting her to dinner, before bidding her a soft goodnight.

Ellie stood frozen in her spot in front of Dina’s door, her sleeves uneven. 

*******

It was two and a half weeks later when Cat decided Ellie had healed up enough for them to have their next tattoo session. Ellie had been more than excited, ready to spend more time with Cat. She needed something to focus on that wasn’t Dina. She had recognized the thoughts that filled her head when she was around Dina. Those thoughts were dangerous.

And here Cat was, right in front of her. Single and seemingly interested and willing and _so_ cute. They shared interests and got along super well. Cat was the best. But Ellie was technically infected, whatever that meant, and she couldn’t risk hurting anyone else.

Ellie tried not to think about any of this as she and Cat sat as close as they were, her arm laid gently against Cat’s thigh as the needle of the tattoo gun pierced her skin. She had gotten a little bit used to the feeling this time around, but her eyes had stayed shut for the first few minutes as she tried to block out the pain. Cat had called her a pussy.

Ellie chuckled. “Shut the fuck up,” she told her. “It _really_ fuckin’ hurts _._ ”

It was maybe another hour into the session before Ellie brought up payment. Cat had never mentioned anything, but this tattoo was taking up a lot of her time and energy and Ellie didn’t feel right about not returning the favor somehow. “Hey,” Ellie started, keeping her eyes on the slow, steady movement of Cat’s hand, “is there anything you want? Like, in return?"  
  


Cat didn’t look up. She just kept on working. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“I don’t know, like… what am I supposed to trade you for this tattoo?”

“You don’t have to give me anything, Ellie,” Cat told her, not missing a beat.

Ellie was still watching her hand as she started to add details to the inside of the moth, the lines circling her chemical burn, calling it to her attention. A constant reminder. She couldn’t wait for the tattoo to be done. “Come on, Cat. I can’t not make a trade for this. I’d feel like a real dick.”

“Hmm…” Cat considered. “We can’t have that now can we…” She finally pulled away. The buzzing of the tattoo gun stopped. She made a show of thinking, her index finger tapping her chin and her eyes to the ceiling. “You think you can get me issue eleven of _Rebels of Fire_?”

Ellie blinked. 

“That’s it?” she asked. She studied Cat’s face to try and figure out if she was serious. There was nothing telling her otherwise. After a second Ellie decided, “I mean it might take me awhile to find it so I guess that’s fair… I can ask Joel and Tommy if I can tag along on their next patrol and I’ll keep a lookout for it. Issue eleven, huh? That’s specific… but I’ll do my best, I guess…” she rambled. As she trailed off Cat began to laugh. Ellie frowned. “What?”

Through giggles Cat said, “Nothing. You’re just… really cute.” Ellie didn’t get the chance to question the other girl about whatever it was she was going on about because Cat had leaned in and kissed her. 

Immediately, too many thoughts flooded Ellie’s brain but one horrific one stood out. She panicked and stood, jumping away from Cat who stayed seated, hurt and confusion clear on her face. Ellie didn’t register any of that, _“Oh my god, I infected her,”_ repeating itself over and over again in her head. Was that even how it worked? She had no idea what her immunity even meant. 

Nothing. 

Her immunity meant nothing. 

Ellie shook her head. No. This probably wasn’t anything, right? She could just… keep an eye on Cat to make sure she didn’t turn.

“Ellie…?” Cat spoke up, timidly. “Wha--?”

Ellie waved Cat off with one hand, stopping the other girl from continuing, and held her chest with her other, trying to catch her breath. God, she was sure she looked ridiculous. “It’s nothing,” she said. “Sorry, I… I need some fresh air,” she decided. “Can we take a walk?”

Cat, though still confused, agreed. She put the tattoo gun on the table next to her and righted Ellie’s fallen stool before leading her up the stairs and out the door. She called out to her parents that she and Ellie were going out. The sun was nearly set and the streets were mostly empty, the residents of Jackson having headed home after the long work day. 

They were silent for a long while, walking slowly. Ellie didn’t notice she had been leading them to her place, but Cat probably had. Finally, Ellie sighed, siking herself up. “Look, Cat, that was… I’ve just… never kissed anyone before,” she lied.

“Oh.” Cat looked relieved.

“Yeah,” Ellie said. “I totally overreacted.”

“You think?” Cat said but there was no bite behind it. She shot Ellie a small smile.

“I’m sorry.”

Cat shook her head. “Don’t apologize. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have jumped you like that.” She let out a soft chuckle and motioned around to their surroundings. To the world. “Clearly.”

Ellie didn’t say anything right away. They were nearly to her house. “I _like_ you, Cat.”

Cat perked up, her focus now torn away from the ground. “Yeah?” Cat said, not wanting to sound too hopeful. She was pretty sure she failed.

Ellie nodded, a lopsided grin appearing on her face. She tried to ignore her intrusive thoughts-- the ones that were telling her that this was starting to feel too familiar. That the moment she lets herself be happy everything falls apart. What would she even tell people if Cat turned? She had a family...

“Well,” Cat said, interrupting Ellie’s thoughts, “you sure have a weird way of showing it.” She was joking, trying to clear the awkward air between them. Ellie appreciated that.

“Shut up… I feel awful.” They both laughed.

They stopped in front of Ellie’s door once they arrived. Ellie shuffled her feet. “So…” she said. She was nervous, fiddling with her fingers.

Cat noticed and grabbed ahold of her hands. Ellie froze. “I like you too, by the way," Cat said. She met Ellie’s eyes before continuing, “A lot. But I think that’s pretty obvious at this point.”

“Yeah,” Ellie responded. Cat looked like she wanted to kiss her again but Ellie wasn’t ready to let that happen just yet. She still had to figure out what was going on. “Do you want to come in?” she rushed out then realized what that sounded like. “We could watch a movie?” she added.

“Sure,” Cat said. “I’d like that.”

Cat slowly made her way around the room as Ellie set up the movie, taking everything in. She picked up the couple of comic books that were out on the coffee table, flipping through some of them quickly. After, she bent down to study the spines of the books Ellie had placed on the small bookshelf. "Space, huh? That's cool." she said over her shoulder.

"Uh… yeah." Ellie shuffled through her DVDs. Joel had gifted her with a bunch of 80s movies, hoping they could watch them together and they had a couple of times. Joel liked the action ones but Ellie would never admit that she kind of did too. 

Ellie didn't care what they watched. She was going to be too nervous to pay attention anyways. She pulled out a movie she didn't recognize, the title having something to do with breakfast. She popped it in the gaming console. Cat joined her on her bed.

Neither of them paid attention. Ellie wanted to keep Cat talking to make sure she wasn't going to turn and Cat was happy to continue their conversation. She questioned Ellie about what fascinated her so much about space. Ellie told her she just thought it would be nice to escape from all of this shit and go to the moon. Cat thought so too.

Ellie fondly talked about the time Joel surprised her on her birthday with a museum trip. She recalled, "My very educated mother just served us nice pizzas." 

Cat was just as thrown as Ellie had been. "What?"

Ellie shook her head with a chuckle. "Just something Joel taught me as a way to remember the planets." She began counting off on her fingers as she listed, "Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. Cool, right?"

"Very," Cat agreed. She enjoyed Ellie's enthusiasm.

There was a lull in the conversation. They turned to the movie. After a couple minutes Ellie deadpanned, "This movie has nothing to do with breakfast." They shared a laugh. 

When Ellie asked Cat why she decided to fix up the tattoo gun Cat had just shrugged. "Nothing better to do at the time I guess."

Ellie could understand that. "What about now?"

"I like the idea of leaving a permanent mark, you know? Especially when not much is." Her fingers fidgeted with the bed covers, inching closer to Ellie's own hand. "And it brought me closer to you, so… I'd say it was a pretty good idea on my part," she said quietly but confident. Cat was impossibly smooth.

She had fallen asleep not long after, curling into Ellie's side, their fingers intertwined. Meanwhile, Ellie stayed up leaning against the headboard all night, watching for any sudden twitch. Cat slept soundly. 

The next morning when Cat stirred and stared up at her groggily Ellie let out a long sigh of relief. Ellie wrapped her arms around her and pulled her closer, tucking Cat's head into her neck as she tried to calm her nerves. Cat wasn't complaining. She slung an arm over Ellie's middle. It was covered in more tattoos than Ellie remembered. 

"Did you sleep okay?" Ellie asked.

"Did _you_?" Cat responded quickly into her neck. She'd been caught. Ellie was glad Cat couldn't see her blush. 

Instead of responding Ellie groaned and threw her other arm over her face. "I'm scheduled for a farming rotation today." She felt Cat chuckle into her neck, knowing how much they bore Ellie. "How about you?" Ellie asked.

"Patrol," Cat answered. She didn't go out on patrol often but she would volunteer anytime she started to feel too contained. Now, she was too comfortable. "I should get going before someone comes looking for me."

Ellie hummed in agreement and loosened her hold around the other girl. After a second Cat slid out of Ellie's grasp. She stretched when she stood and yawned. Ellie watched. When Cat bent over to slide on her shoes that she had kicked off before falling asleep, Ellie stood as well. She walked with Cat to the door, opening it for her. "Thanks for hanging out," Ellie said. "And sorry… about before. It was stupid."

"Don't worry about it. I had fun," Cat said. Silence fell over them, something unspoken between the two. 

Ellie nervously clenched and unclenched her hand around the door handle. She couldn't infect people. She reminded herself of this new knowledge as she stepped into Cat's space and kissed her. It lasted longer than it had the night before. Previously, she had let herself believe that she was never going to be able to do something like this again. 

Ellie stepped back leaving Cat smiling, her eyes still closed. When she opened them Ellie was grinning back. "I'll see you later?" Cat asked.

"Well I hope so," Ellie started, her voice playful. "You've still gotta finish this up." She lifted her partially tattooed arm. 

Cat rolled her eyes but stepped in for one more quick kiss. "Bye, Ellie," she said, walking backwards to take a final look at Ellie before she turned and jogged away.

"Bye." 

Ellie watched until Cat was out of sight then closed the door and walked back into her room to get ready. Before she left for her assignment she wrote the events of last night down in her journal.

Later Jesse would tell Ellie during their shared shift at the stables that Cat had referred to her as her girlfriend. 

Ellie liked the sound of that.

*******

Dina was avoiding her. She had been for a while. Cat liked to tell her that Dina was just jealous of how Ellie was spending her time but if that were the case, then why hadn't Dina accepted any of Ellie's invites to join them? Ellie never had a problem with Dina and Jesse's relationship-- well, not one that had ever been obvious to them, so why couldn't Dina at least _pretend_ to be happy for her?

Ellie knew Dina well enough to know she was too prideful to come to her first so she was going to have to be the one to do the approaching. While Ellie had been planning to tell Dina and Jesse about her and Joel's run in with the hotel bloater, the discovery of Sidney and Adam's bodies had soured any excitement she had felt about it. 

Really, that bloater was the last thing on her mind. Now all she could think about was that conversation with Joel.

_"Other immune people my ass,"_ Ellie angrily thought as they rode back to Jackson. She stayed back, riding further behind Joel and Tommy who packed the bodies and had them tied to the back of their horses behind them on their saddles. The ride back was silent. A few times the brothers had glanced at her over their shoulders, Tommy worried while Joel just looked sad. Ellie avoided meeting their eyes.

When they arrived back to Jackson, Jesse was the one to greet them after opening the gate. His friendly smile dropped quickly once he noticed the tension between the three of them. 

As Tommy entered ahead of Ellie he hopped off of his horse and shouted, "Can we get some help? We've got bodies!" The people in the immediate vicinity jumped into action. 

Jesse shot Ellie a look full of question. When she didn't give him anything in return he turned to Tommy to help. "Bodies?" he asked as he helped Tommy with the knots.

Joel answered as he untied the dead clicker from his horse. "It's that couple that ran away last year."

"Adam and Sidney?" There was dread clear in his voice but he didn't seem that surprised when Joel nodded back. It was hard to be surprised by things like that anymore.

Ellie slid out of the saddle, pulling the horse's reins with her. She stood quietly petting Shimmer away from the crowd that began to form around Tommy and Joel. 

“Well… I’m gonna go find Maria so we can break the news to their families… y’all think you can handle this?” Tommy asked and motioned to Joel and some of the others. When he received nods from the group he turned and left with his horse. 

Before Jesse could lend a hand he approached Ellie. Ellie barely reacted. “Hey,” he said. “You okay?” She shrugged, keeping her eyes on Shimmer. For a second they stood there in silence. Jesse shuffled his feet and tucked his hands under his arms awkwardly. “If this is about Sid and Adam, I didn’t think--”

“It’s not,” Ellie cut him off shortly.

Jesse pursed his lips. “Okay,” he said. “Well whatever it is… you know you can talk to me, yeah? I’ve got your back.”

Ellie sighed, pausing her ministrations. She knocked heads with Shimmer. She was quiet when she said, “I can’t.” She sounded strained. Tired.

Jesse narrowed his eyes, confused. Before he could try to pry her about she meant someone called out, “Jesse! Can you give us a hand?”

“Yeah! Be right there,” he responded over his shoulder. He lingered for a few more moments. When it was clear Ellie wasn’t going to elaborate, he left.

Ellie waited until the crowd cleared up. Once it did, she started to make her way towards the stables. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Dina standing at the mouth of the structure. Even from a distance she looked worried, but it didn’t look like she was going to make any move to approach. Ellie scoffed and shook her head, clicking for Shimmer to follow her past her friend. 

Ellie was fed up. She felt responsible for Sidney and Adam.

For Sam. 

For Tess.

Riley.

She couldn’t stop thinking about them. How their deaths had been in vain or how she could have saved them.

If only she had had a choice.

A few nights later, Ellie sat up from a restless sleep. There were too many thoughts running through her head. At some point, after what felt like hours of tossing and turning, Cat threw an arm over Ellie’s mid-section, pulling her close. It didn’t take long for Ellie to start to feel claustrophobic. She shrugged out of her girlfriend’s grasp and sat up, rubbing at her chemical burn. Cat rolled into her leftover warmth. “Come back to bed,” she grumbled, her eyes still closed.

Ellie comfortingly rubbed at Cat’s back. She couldn’t. She needed answers. “I just need some fresh air,” she told her before leaning down to leave a soft kiss on Cat’s forehead. “I’ll be right back.” She pulled a sweatshirt over her head and grabbed her backpack on the way out, closing the door softly behind her.

She headed to the stables and wrote out a note and tacked it to Japan’s stall, knowing that Dina had patrol that morning. Ellie didn’t want anyone to panic but she hoped that addressing the note to Dina would buy her more time. She grabbed Shimmer and took her to the other side of Jackson to the less guarded exit, the one they would use to sneak out sometimes.

From what she could remember about her and Joel’s return to Jackson those couple of years back, she figured it would take her about a week and a half by horse. If she were lucky and Dina agreed to do what she asked of her in her note, she could get at least a day head start on Joel. It was a lot to ask of her friend, but she trusted Dina.

She gave Jackson one last look over her shoulder before tugging on Shimmer’s reins. 

*******

  
  


_Dina,_

_First off, don’t freak out. I’m_ _probably_ _fine._

_I had to take care of something. Joel will know what. He’s going to come after me the moment he finds out I’m gone. I know me and you haven’t talked lately but I really need you to buy me some time. Use that charm of yours on him. It works every time._

_I’ll make it up to you. I promise._

_Your favorite idiot,_

_Ellie_

*******

The moment Ellie had returned to Jackson after the week or so it took to ride back from the Firefly hospital, she pushed past all of the questioning residents and took off back to her place. She handed Shimmer off to one of the stable hands as she passed, not wanting to have any reason to stop. Joel had kept his distance the whole way back but close enough so that he could keep his eyes on her in case anything happened. Just as she reached the stables, Joel dismounted from his horse. He didn’t call out for her and didn’t get the chance to chase her, the mob now surrounding him.

_Good_ , Ellie thought. She wiped some leftover tears from her eyes and took off in a jog wanting to put even more distance between the two of them.

The commotion at the gate must have been a welcomed distraction from the work day because more people began to head in that direction. The people she passed shot her confused looks and asked questions, or looked shocked to see her, like they thought she had run away for good. It had been a little over a week since she left so they probably hadn’t been expecting to see her back in Jackson alive.

Ellie recognized one of the voices and couldn’t help but pause when she heard it. “Oh my God… _Ellie!”_

It was Dina. She sounded relieved. Ellie felt overwhelmed. She needed to get home. She wasn't ready to face anyone, not after knowing that there had been a time when she could have saved all of them. She felt sick.

Dina must have noticed that she seemed ready to flee because she stomped towards her. Ellie was convinced she was about to get punched in the face. Dina surprised her by pulling her in for a tight hug. She let out a shaky sigh into Ellie’s neck. “I thought I lost you.”

Ellie relaxed into the embrace at Dina’s tone and loosely wrapped her arms around her friend's waist. “Sorry,” she said. It was so soft. Small.

She felt Dina chuckle but she still seemed nervous. “Stupid…”

“You love it.”

After another squeeze, Dina pulled away but stayed close. She studied her friend, checking to make sure she was unscathed. “I do,” she responded earnestly. “Sometimes I wish that wasn't the case though… you sure do cause me a lot of grief.” She was smiling as she reached forward to straighten out the strings of Ellie’s hoodie. 

A glance over Dina’s shoulder had Ellie crashing back to Earth when she saw Tommy, Joel, and Maria exit the stables. They looked like they were asking Joel questions and it looked like he was dodging them, trying to pull away. Ellie stumbled away from her friend. “I’ve gotta go,” she told her, already turning to head home.

Dina frowned. “What?” She followed Ellie’s line of sight and by the time Dina turned back to the other girl she had already made it a good distance away. “Ellie, wait!”

She didn't. Dina stood in her place and watched her go, the other girl clearly wanted to be alone.

Why had Ellie been running away from Joel? 

Dina looked back over her shoulder at him. This time, their eyes met. He looked sad as he nodded her way in greeting.

Dina decided that whatever had happened she would be there for her friend.

The moment Ellie had made it back to her place she locked the door behind and curled up against it, hugging her legs to her body as she tried to calm her sobs.

She was supposed to die in that hospital. 

Her life was supposed to matter.

And now what? 

She was just supposed to sit there and watch the infection take over everyone she loved knowing that she could have been the thing to stop it? To save them? 

She was going to end up alone all because of a choice she didn't have a say in making.

Ellie was hyperventilating now, the weight of Joel's actions crashing onto her shoulders, knocking the wind out of her lungs.

She wasn't sure if she could trust herself to be alone in her thoughts anymore.

It wasn't long after, when Ellie's tears had finally dried up, that there had been a knock at her door. She was planning on ignoring it but the more she ignored it, the louder the knocks got and then she heard, "Ellie. _Please_."

Cat. 

Ellie wasn't ready to face her having left in the middle of the night and she couldn't even tell Cat why. She couldn't tell anyone. Ever.

Ellie took a few more deep breaths before pushing off of the floor and turning around. Every movement was slow and painful. She unlocked the door and turned the handle only opening the door a quarter of the way, just enough for Cat to see that she was alive.

Cat let out a sigh of relief. "I was so worried… I'm glad you're okay." When Ellie didn't respond or make any move to let her in she continued, worried, noticing Ellie's bloodshot eyes. "You… are okay, right?"

Ellie shrugged. "I guess."

After more silence, Cat frowned. It sure didn't seem like Ellie was okay. "Are you gonna let me in?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light.

"Uh… actually, I'm really tired from…" She sighed trying to find the best wording. "I just need to be alone right now…"

"Oh… okay."

Before Ellie shut the door completely she paused. "Sorry."

She didn't give Cat the chance to respond as she shut the door softly, the click of the lock following. Cat stood there confused as to what had changed. If Ellie had just told her she was planning on leaving she could have been there for her.

She hadn't even left her a note, instead leaving her to wake up alone. At first, she had just figured she had woken up early for assignment until Joel spotted her in town around dinner time and asked if she had seen Ellie. He had been polite about it, saying that he was just asking because he noticed she and Ellie had been spending a lot of time together. If he knew about the two of them, he didn't say.

He was clearly worried about Ellie and even more so when Cat had told him that she hadn't. 

It was then that Dina approached. Jesse was with her but chose to stand back. She had placed a gentle hand on Joel's shoulder while her other hand pulled a piece of paper out of her back pocket and shakily held it out to Joel. "Don't shoot the messenger."

Something seemed to dawn on Joel before he even took the paper. He didn't have to. 

He didn't even say anything, just turned and took off in the direction of the stables. 

Everyone stood frozen for a second before Cat snapped out of it and snatched the paper out of Dina's hand. She quickly unfolded it and skimmed the message. "She told _you?"_

Dina took the paper back. "She didn't tell _me_ anything. I found it this morning."

_"This morning?!"_ Cat shot back. "And you didn't say anything?"

"She asked me not to," Dina said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "She trusted me."

"Are you saying that she doesn't trust me?" Cat said, offended.

_"What?!"_ Dina looked at her in disbelief. She closed her eyes and took a breath. "Look, Cat, I don't know why Ellie left the note for me, okay? You'll just have to interrogate _her_ when she gets back."

Cat shook her head, her arms crossed. "Oh, I think I already know."

Dina narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Jesse finally decided to intervene after silently watching on, afraid that someone's girlfriend might maim the other's. "Dina. Come on," he said. He turned to Cat before pulling Dina away. "We'll keep you updated if we hear anything."

Cat watched them go. 

She had hoped to question Ellie about where she had been once she got back, upset that she had been left in the dark. But after days and no sign of her girlfriend, Cat's anger had started to dissipate into dread.

And now, by Ellie's mood on her return, Cat wasn't sure if she would ever get answers.

*******

Ellie could tell that Dina had been wanting to ask. She was just shocked it had taken her as long as it did.

It was one of the rare times they were paired together for wall watch. They were convinced that Maria purposefully kept them separated when it came to assignments because she was afraid they'd goof off and one of them would get hurt or that Jackson would be completely overrun by hunters or infected. Or both. The possibilities were endless especially now that Ellie seemed to be even more reckless than usual.

Dina noticed of course. That's why she had traded her shift at the stables with Will. He had been easy enough to convince anyways. If Ellie was going to do something stupid she would be there to stop her. 

Dina wasn't sure if she trusted anyone else to be.

"How excited are you for paired patrol, huh?" Dina asked her. "You've been waiting for this since the day you got here."

"We didn't even know each other then," Ellie countered, adjusting the rifle on her shoulder. She continued to survey the open area around Jackson almost like she wanted a fight.

Dina on the other hand was much more relaxed as she leaned against the railing and studied Ellie. She waved off the comment. "Yeah, yeah. _Details_. Whatever. It's not my fault you took so long to make a move." She shrugged. "All you had to do was get over yourself and say hello. I had practically been waiting for it."

"Practically been waiting to call me out for stealing all the jerky," Ellie said. 

Dina raised her hands in surrender. "Hey, no judgement here. You looked like you needed it." 

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Thanks."

Silence fell over them while Dina decided the best way to approach the next topic. She knew Ellie was never going to broach the subject without a little prodding. _Here goes nothing,_ she thought. Hopefully Ellie wouldn't pitch her off the wall. Or worse, herself.

"It's a good thing Joel had been there then, right?" Dina tried her best to make the question sound light and innocent. "Or else you might've never talked to me."

Ellie bristled at his name. She chuckled darkly before saying, "Maybe." Dina thought that was all she was going to get so she was surprised when Ellie continued, "But meddling is what he does best, isn't it?"

Okay. That took a turn. But, it had also been the most Dina had gotten out of her for the weeks since she noticed Ellie had stopped mentioning Joel by name or the times that she averted her eyes on the off chance they would see each other in public.

Dina pushed off the railing. "Ellie," she called gently so as to not scare her off. "What happened?" Ellie tensed up. Her eyes narrowed and she wouldn't meet Dina's. When Ellie stayed silent, Dina continued, "Does it have anything to do with you running off?"

"It has everything to do with that," Ellie said, her fists clenching. It didn't seem like she was going to elaborate anymore so Dina was done looking for answers, instead, she reached out and wrapped her hand around Ellie's.

After a few seconds her body relaxed and she threaded her fingers through Dina's, finally turning her head to look at her. 

Dina didn't think she had ever seen her look so vulnerable.

She squeezed Ellie's hand and prayed that she understood that she would be there for her through anything.

"Maybe now that you're about to be an official patrol you'll stop having the urge to steal horses and run away all the time," Dina teased. 

"Sure," Ellie replied, her tiny smirk not going unnoticed. She hadn't let go of Dina's hand. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Dina lightly punched Ellie on the shoulder with her free hand. "Jerk…"

Ellie just chuckled and squeezed her hand back.

It was a few days later that Ellie decided it was about time to finish the damn tattoo, sick of the reminder of a stolen choice glaring back at her. She wanted it gone and while she knew that would never happen, she figured this would have to be good enough.

Cat was happy to continue having been feeling emotionally neglected. Ellie still hadn't told her what was wrong and Cat hoped that falling into their routine and usual banter would help Ellie feel comfortable enough to open up to her girlfriend.

She had been wrong.

They had barely talked at all, the buzz of the tattoo gun suddenly grating. 

Ellie hadn't mentioned paying Cat back once, something that had turned into a bit of an inside joke between them. 

Cat decided to bring it up first instead. "You uh… happen to find that comic issue I've been asking about when you went on that trip of yours?" She was still a little upset that Ellie hadn't warned her about leaving. She would have liked to go along with her even though Ellie insisted it had been something she needed to do alone, but then what was the point of being girlfriends if they couldn't share these kinds of things with each other.

"Ah… no," Ellie said, squirming in her seat. "Sorry." 

Cat paused and the tattoo gun went quiet. Ellie's eyes stayed aimed down at her arm. Cat tried to meet them. "Ellie…"

Ellie sighed knowing where the conversation was headed. She rubbed her face with her free hand. "Not now, okay?" She sounded so tired. "Can we please just… get this over with?" she said, motioning to her arm.

_Get it_ over _with?_ Cat thought, hurt. She would have argued if she hadn't felt like crying. Instead of responding, too afraid her voice would crack and give her away, she got back to work, sending one last glance at Ellie before continuing.

This time when the needle touched Ellie's skin, she didn't flinch.

The next morning was her first paired patrol. Maria was there to wish her luck, having pulled her into a quick hug. "Don't do anything stupid, you hear me?"

"That's why you paired me with her," Jesse said, slinging an arm around Ellie's shoulder. "To babysit."

Ellie ducked out of his hold, taking her place back next to Shimmer. "Shut up, man." 

Jesse was smiling. So was Maria. "Just… be safe," she finished.

Ellie responded with, "Yeah, yeah," at the same time that Jesse said, "We will."

Maria looked between the two of them before nodding and walking off. As Maria left she sent a wave to Dina who was approaching the pair. "One day she'll let me and Ellie patrol together… one day." 

Jesse chuckled. "Keep dreaming."

Dina punched his arm with a smile. He rubbed it. Ellie watched the interaction.

"Y'know," Jesse started, turning back to Ellie. "Joel sat me down and covered our patrol route with me over and over again until I saw it in my damn sleep."

Ellie noticed Dina narrow her eyes and try to send a discreet kick to her boyfriend's shin. It wasn't the first time Jesse had brought up Joel since Ellie had decided to distance herself from him. She knew what he was doing, just wanting to help after noticing how down Ellie had been because of it. She kind of appreciated it but at the same time it annoyed her that Jesse wouldn't let her forget about Joel.

"Yeah…" Ellie responded darkly. "Sounds like him."

An awkward silence fell over them. All Ellie seemed to be good for anymore was ruining the mood. She fiddled with Shimmer's reins, suddenly self conscious.

Dina noticed and took it upon herself to try and remedy the situation. "You want to celebrate later tonight?" she asked. "I mean, it's only fair."

"Thanks, but uh…" Ellie rubbed the back of her neck. "Movie night with Cat. Unless you wanna join us. I'm sure she wouldn't mind." 

"Oh…" Dina deflated. "That's okay. You guys have fun." She grabbed a hold of the straps of her backpack. "We'll do something another night."

"Sure."

Jesse took a look around, counting the patrols to make sure everyone was there. When he decided they had perfect attendance, he walked to the front of the crowd and gave the briefing. Ellie tuned it out. She'd heard it enough.

When he finished and joined Dina and Ellie once again, Dina grabbed onto his arm to steady herself as she stood on her tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on his lips. "Stay safe," she told him.

Jesse nodded. "You too."

Then, Dina approached Ellie with a small knowing smile. "Come back to me, okay? No more running off," she scolded and then wrapped her in a tight hug. Before she pulled away completely, she turned her head just enough to place a ghost of a kiss on Ellie's cheek.

Did Dina even know what she did to her? Ellie wondered as she watched Dina pull herself onto Japan.

"Ellie," Jesse called, snapping her out of her train of thought. "You ready?" He extended his fist. 

Ellie followed through with their tradition. "Yeah. How 'bout you?" she returned, patting Shimmer before climbing onto the saddle.

"Always," Jesse said, following suit with his own horse. "Open the gate!" he ordered before tugging on the reins and leading the way.

It ended up that her first official patrol had been relatively uneventful overall. She and Jesse had run one of the shorter routes, something Ellie was convinced Joel had a say in but she didn’t want to think too hard about that. They barely even had to take out any infected, just the few that had been lingering in the houses they had rummaged through. Ellie wasn't really complaining though. This was how things usually went anyways. Excitement on patrol was rare.

As Ellie and Jesse dismounted their horses on their return to Jackson, Jesse turned to his friend and asked her if Dina had ever said anything about him to her. When she told him he was going to have to be more specific than that because yes, all the time, he responded, “Like… do you think she’s bored of us?”

Ellie was thrown by the question. They had never really talked much about their respective relationships unless they were teasing each other. "Uh… no?" She frowned. "Is… something wrong?" 

Jesse shook his head. "Nah."

"Okay…?"

He chuckled at the face she pulled. "It's just that, it's felt _too_ normal recently. Like this is all our relationship is ever going to be."

Now she was now for sure confused. "And that's a bad thing?"

Jesse shrugged. "I don't know. Not necessarily, I guess. Normal is nice sometimes, but we're at a standstill and Dina doesn't really seem like someone who will settle for _boring,_ does she?"

Ellie laughed. "No she definitely does not," she said as she led Shimmer to her stall. 

Before she could tell Jesse he probably didn't have anything to worry about he asked, "What about you and Cat? You guys good?"

"Uh… sure. I guess so," Ellie responded. 

"Hmm… real convincing," Jesse teased.

Ellie paused, considering whether or not she should elaborate. "We were doing good. She's great. It's just… ever since--" 

"Whatever happened with Joel," Jesse answered for her.

She nodded. "It's my fault. I haven't been very present… and not just with Cat."

Jesse leaned against the stall door that he had closed behind him after leaving his horse inside. "Don't worry about it, man. If that's how you gotta handle this, so be it. Just know that you've got me if you need me, okay? My friend's problems are my problems."

That was so cheesy, Ellie thought, but also really, really sweet. She smiled. "You're a good dude, Jesse. Too bad you aren't my type," she joked.

"What? Is it because I'm too tall?" he joked back. This was just another one of their weird things.

Ellie playfully pushed him as she passed. "Yup. That's it."

Jesse laughed. When Ellie realized he hadn’t been following her as she made her way out of the stables, Jesse said, “I'm gonna hang out here with my dad until Dina gets back." He motioned with a nod of his head, a smile on his face. "Go see that girlfriend of yours." 

Ellie jogged off waving at Jesse's dad as she went. 

Cat was already at her place when she got there, sitting on Ellie's bed, propped up on the headboard, sketchbook open on her lap. She looked up at the sound of the door as Ellie entered. "Hey," Cat called out, sighing in relief.

"Hey," Ellie returned, kicking her shoes off and then crawling onto the bed, leaning down to peck Cat on the lips. Cat dropped the book, letting it fall onto the bed before lightly gripping the back of Ellie's neck to pull her back in. Ellie hummed, pulling away a few seconds later. "I'm gonna hop in the shower." 

Cat played with the collar of Ellie's button up. "Want some company?" she flirted.

"Uh… no, no. That's um… I just gotta rinse off quick, okay?" Ellie stuttered, pulling back and sliding off of her bed. Cat looked a little hurt by the dismissal. "I'll be right out," she told her as she disappeared into the bathroom. 

Ellie turned the shower knobs and the water began to fall. As Ellie started to strip her outer layer, Cat spoke up from where she was still laying, her voice a little muffled through the wall and the sound of the shower. "I ran into Joel today."

Ellie stayed silent. 

"He asked how you were doing. Said he noticed we spend a lot of time together…"

Ellie scoffed but she figured Cat couldn't hear her. "Did you tell him to mind his own damn business?" she asked, her tone angry.

Cat frowned. "No, I…" she paused, deciding whether or not she should continue to prod. She just wanted to know what was going on with her girlfriend. "Ellie. What happened? Why are you so mad at Joel?" 

"It doesn't matter!" 

"Well, clearly it does or it wouldn't be bothering you this much!" At her response she heard the water turn off.

Ellie exited the bathroom, still clothed. She seemed annoyed. "Listen, Cat. I'm tired from patrol. I'm not… in the mood for this right now."

"That's what you've said every time I've brought it up," Cat said, finally pushing off of the headboard and sitting on the edge of the bed to face Ellie. "I want to be here for you but I can't if you won't let me in."

Ellie really didn't want to argue, but she was also ready for this line of questioning to stop. "Joel just…" she looked down at her feet and took a breath. "He's done some things that I don't agree with."

Cat narrowed her eyes at the vague explanation but it was as good as it was going to get. She slowly asked, "Like what?"

"I can't tell you," Ellie said, closing her eyes. 

"Are you kidding me?" Cat asked, standing in front of her girlfriend. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you," Ellie responded. "I just--"

"Apparently not enough to have had the decency to leave me a note before you disappeared for weeks," Cat snapped, cutting her off.

Ellie looked at her in disbelief. "Seriously? Is that what this is about?" She watched as Cat crossed her arms. "I haven't told anyone anything. Dina. Jesse… they don't know anything more than you do. This is between me and Joel, okay?" She took a second to pause, clear her thoughts before she continued, "So please… just forget about it." 

Cat dropped her arms with a sigh. She at least looked a little apologetic. "Okay," she finally said. "I'm sorry I pried."

Ellie ran her hands over her face, suddenly exhausted. "It's fine."

She felt Cat approach and gently pull her hands from her face, threading their fingers together. She leaned forward and placed a hesitant kiss on Ellie's lips. She started to slowly pull away but Ellie had chased her lips and pulled her back in. One of Cat's arms wrapped around Ellie's back, holding her close.

Ellie tugged at Cat's hand and started to lead her into the bathroom. Cat's hands landed on Ellie's chest, pushing her away just slightly enough to say, "I thought…" She searched Ellie's eyes.

"I changed my mind," Ellie answered simply.

Cat followed, pulling her own shirt over her head as they went.

It hadn't been the first time that one their heated discussions ended in sex. It had at least happened enough times for Cat to feel like she was losing Ellie.

Cat noticed that Ellie had always seemed a little emotionally constipated, but ever since her apparent falling out with Joel, it seemed even more so. She couldn't really blame her, Joel was practically her dad, so of course Ellie began to rely on what was more comfortable to her: the physical over the emotional.

It hadn't even really bothered Cat at first. She had spent so much time wanting Ellie that she just put up with it first and it's not like it was the worst thing ever. But even when Ellie was there with her, it didn't always feel like she was _really_ there _._

So when Cat brought it up to her a month or so later, Ellie didn't seem surprised. More so apologetic and sad. In the end, it had been so mutual that Cat wasn't even sure which one of them had officially called it off. She couldn't even be mad, especially when Ellie had shyly asked if it would be okay if they could still be friends. Even after everything she was as cute as ever, Cat decided once Ellie had insisted that she didn’t forget about paying her back for the tattoo.

Not wanting Ellie to feel too bad about their failed romance, Cat finally dropped that little joke of theirs and told her she really shouldn't worry about it but then again, Ellie never really did know how to listen. 

So it probably shouldn't have shocked her when one day, years later, not long before JJ had been born, Cat had found issue eleven of _Rebels of Fire_ set out on her front porch. 

* * *

**2 Years Earlier…**

There was a single knock at the door before Dina let herself in, not waiting for Ellie to invite her in. "Hey," Dina called out as she fell against the door, pushing it shut with her back. "Wait, why aren't you up and ready?"

Ellie looked up from her journal at the intrusion. "Ready for what?"

"The bonfire," Dina stared at her in disbelief. She groaned, deflating. "You forgot."

"Oh, right. That's tonight," Ellie said, closing the journal and tossing it to the other side of her bed. "I thought I told you I wasn't going."

Dina nodded. "You did, but I figured you'd have changed your mind by now." 

Ellie let out a soft chuckle. Dina sure had some misplaced faith in her. "Nope."

"Well, what the fuck," Dina said under her breath with a sigh.

"Sorry, D."

"You've missed out on like that last three events," Dina continued. "You and Cat broke up forever ago you should use this time to get drunk as hell and finally forget all about her." She slowly approached the bed. She got quiet when she added, "And I miss hanging out with you."

There was a lot there that Ellie could have picked apart, most of it being Dina's unexplained issues with her ex, but she decided that she didn't want to know. Instead, she chose not to comment.

Dina quickly scanned her surroundings in the midst of Ellie's silence. The guitar in the corner of the room caught her attention. "You should bring your guitar," she decided.

"I just told you I'm not-- wait, what?" Ellie asked, realizing what Dina had just said. "No way."

"Oh, come on! I've never even heard you play!" Dina exclaimed. "I think that's a little unfair after all these years of friendship."

Ellie narrowed her eyes, filtering through her memories. "What? Yes you have."

"Yeah! By accident!" 

"Snoop," Ellie said under her breath, smiling.

Dina put her hands on her hips. "Why won't you?"

Ellie tried to think of an excuse. She shrugged. "I don't know… it's embarrassing." It was the best she could come up but it was the truth.

Dina huffed in defeat and laid herself down on the edge of the bed next to where Ellie was seated. Ellie looked down at her, her scarred eyebrow raised in amusement. She adjusted so she was laying down next to her friend, her hands resting on her stomach, away from Dina. 

She turned her head to her friend. "Why does it even matter to you so much?" she asked softly, her curiosity genuine. "You don't even know if I'm any good…"

Dina frowned. "Yeah, well, I know you, El. You don't do anything half-assed." She was looking at the ceiling when she softly said, "And it doesn't _really_ matter. I just… thought it would be nice to have some entertainment for a change."

"Hmm… sure. I guess so."

"Yeah?" Dina sat up, propping herself up on an elbow to face Ellie. "So you'll do it?" 

Ellie chuckled at her friend's enthusiasm. "Dina… I'm out of practice, I haven't played in weeks." Because playing guitar reminded her of Joel and she didn't want to think about Joel.

"Come _on,_ Ellie. I'm sure you'll sound great." Dina elbowed her slyly. _"And…"_ she started, drawing it out, "it wouldn't hurt to show Cat what she's missing out on." 

"Oh my God…" 

Dina groaned and dropped back down onto her back. She was running out of ideas. "Please!" she pleaded and then paused, taking a second to glare up at the ceiling before turning to look at Ellie. Ellie stared back. "For me?" Dina asked innocently. 

It was clearly her last stitch effort, a cheap tactic, and Ellie couldn't help but fall for it. She also couldn't help but notice how close they were. She fiddled with her fingers from where they laid. She couldn't even fight her blush if she wanted to so instead she just sighed heavily up at the ceiling.

That was enough for Dina to understand that she had won. Ellie just groaned into her hands, realizing quickly what she had agreed to, but when she pulled her hands away she decided that the smile on Dina's face made it all worth it. 

Since when had Dina started to make her feel so helpless?

Dina popped up off the bed, energized, excited. She patted Ellie's thigh. "Come on, get up. Get ready."

Ellie sat up and looked down at what she had been wearing. She didn't think she could go wrong with a t-shirt and jeans. She watched as Dina walked over to where her guitar was placed. She ran her hand over the neck and lightly strummed the strings. 

Dina looked at Ellie over her shoulder as she approached her wardrobe. "Wear that flannel I like," she told her.

Ellie rolled her eyes. "You sure do make a lot of demands," she teased but grabbed what Dina had requested and pulled it on.

Dina just smirked at her.

As Ellie finished rolling her sleeves Dina approached with her guitar. Ellie took it with a grateful smile before her eyes flicked to the painted moth. She looked away just as quickly, not wanting to be reminded of Joel's choice. Not tonight.

Dina placed a gentle hand on Ellie's arm and motioned to the door. "Let's go, rockstar. Don't want to keep your adoring fans waiting."

"I don't have any," Ellie said.

"We'll see about that," Dina responded knowingly. Her hand slid down her friend's arm to grab ahold of her hand. She walked backwards, leading Ellie out the door. "But I call being your number one fan, okay? Nobody is gonna steal that from me."

Ellie shook her head, amused. "Okay."

Dina seemed to consider something for a moment. "You know what?" she started. "Maybe it's better if you suck 'cause then I won't have to fight anyone off for that title."

"You're insane."

"I'm aware," Dina said, falling into step with Ellie, still holding hands. "But you love it."

Ellie did. Dina didn't even know the half of it and she never could if Ellie wanted to keep their friendship.

As they approached the bonfire, the chatter of the group got louder and louder. There wasn't a huge number of people around their age in Jackson so due to the volume Ellie figured the drinking had started a while ago. She gripped the neck of the guitar, nervous, hoping that it wouldn't immediately be clocked by someone, wanting to slink away to have the chance to maybe relax with a drink first.

Well she should have known that that wasn't going to be the case because the moment they reached their peers, Dina shouted, "Finally, the party can start! Sorry for the wait guys." She was being very Dina, putting on a show.

There were some claps, whoops, and hollers as the group played along with her. Or maybe some of them weren't. _Everyone_ loved Dina.

"We were wondering when you were gonna show," Astrid said with a smile.

Dina wrapped and arm around Ellie's waist and pulled her into her side when she felt Ellie start to pull away. "Blame the entertainment," she said slyly. "She took some convincing."

Suddenly, everyone turned to Ellie and then to her guitar.

"Woah," Huan spoke. "You really did it." It was aimed at Dina. 

Ellie raised an eyebrow. "Did what?"

"Dina's been telling us for ages that she'd get you to play guitar for us at one of these things."

"Great," Ellie groaned, turning to send an annoyed look at the girl next to her.

"Oops... no pressure," Dina said and took a spot on the ground, leaning against one of the logs. She reached up and patted a spot on the log above her.

"Here. You're gonna need this." Jesse suddenly appeared behind her, handing her a styrofoam cup. Ellie sniffed it. Whiskey. "Since it doesn't look like you'll be getting out of this one." He nodded in Dina's direction. Ellie had no idea what the status of his and Dina's relationship was anymore.

Ellie laughed into the cup. "Thanks, man." She downed the shot in one go.

Jesse took the empty cup back and patted her on the shoulder. "You got this."

Ellie took a deep, shaky breath before taking a seat. She took a second to tune the guitar and when she looked up, she caught Cat's gaze over the glow of the fire. She sent a small smile her way. Cat returned it. She looked amused. Traitor, Ellie thought with a shake of her head.

Ellie didn't have to think too hard about what to play as she absentmindedly strummed the first couple of bar chords, testing the sound. Dina turned her attention to her friend at the sound by placing her arm on the log and leaning her head on her hand. Ellie met her eyes and Dina gave her a small, encouraging nod. 

Letting out one last nervous breath, Ellie began fingerpicking one of the first songs Joel had shared with her. She had relentlessly made fun of its funky sound before it had grown on her.

_"We're talking away…"_

Ellie began to sing softly over her playing and the crackle of the fire. The group went silent as they listened on. Some swayed, getting lost in the sound, while some looked on impressed, now knowing that Dina hadn't been spewing nonsense.

Meanwhile, Dina was mesmerized.

Ellie felt her eyes on her the whole time and tried to ignore her, not wanting to be distracted, focusing instead on her fingers and remembering the words she was meant to be singing.

Towards the end of the song, Ellie decided that she couldn't help it anymore and finally met Dina's eyes. She was drawn to her. They held eye contact as Ellie played the last note, finishing the song. It was at that moment that Ellie suddenly concluded that she wanted to kiss her.

It should have been jarring, the thought of wanting to kiss her best friend, but as it washed over her she realized she had been thinking it for years.

Later, Ellie would learn that Dina had been thinking the same thing all along.

***

“Oh, would you look at that,” Dina began as she motioned to one of the many bulletin boards in town. “Another poster for the winter dance. Sure seems like something to be excited about.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. Dina had been dramatically pointing out these posters for a couple days now. She didn't know why Dina was going through all the trouble of talking around it, at this point she should have known that Ellie would have gone along with anything she asked of her. 

"I know what you're doing, D," Ellie said.

"Yeah?" Dina responded, sauntering up to her, the snow crunching under her feet. "Is it working?"

Ellie fought a smile. "Nope."

"Hmm…" Dina said before threading her arms through one of Ellie's. "That was very convincing," she teased.

Ellie did her best to ignore her friend's touch. "You've been particularly pushy about wanting me to go to this one," Ellie noted. "What gives?"

Dina leaned further into Ellie's shoulder. "Is it a crime to want to let loose and spend some time with my best friend?" 

This was starting to sound all too familiar to Ellie. It wasn't the first time Dina had given her the spiel. Ellie nodded once the realization hit. "Ah, I see," she began, smiling down at Dina. "You and Jesse broke up again."

"Okay. Yeah, sure," Dina sputtered, then composed herself to say, "And for good this time." 

Ellie laughed. "If you say so."

"I do."

Ellie turned her head, trying her best to hide her knowing smile. “Okay,” she said under her breath, clearly still not believing her friend. Dina gently hip checked her after catching her tone, but then quickly pulled Ellie back close to her. Dina wasn’t sure how she could be more obvious at that point.

Well, actually she supposed she did, but for now, that came down to whether or not Ellie was going to show up to the dance.

Dina was almost afraid Ellie wasn’t going to. _Almost._ But she was also well aware after all these years, Ellie could never deny her of anything. 

She distracted herself by dancing with some of the other townspeople as well as playing with some of the kids, swinging them around in a goofy dance.

Damn, did she love kids.

It was later in the night, during a dance she had accepted with Will, that Dina clocked Ellie and Jesse standing together just at the edge of the dancefloor. She tried not to seem too eager, tried not to show off, but by the applause she had received when the song ended she was sure she had failed. 

She patted Will on the back, thanking him for the dance before taking off toward Ellie, calling out to her friend, masking her nervousness by teasing Ellie about the fact that she was late. When she noticed the drink in Ellie’s hand she quickly snatched it and knocked it back, deciding that she might as well have some liquid courage as she pulled Ellie onto the dance floor.

* * *

**1 Year Earlier…**

The aftermath of Seattle had been hard. Ellie could barely even remember the details of their beaten and bloodied journey back to Jackson after they had spent another few days camped out in the theater trying to heal as much as they could. 

They’d all been in bad shape, Tommy the worst out of the three of them, but Ellie had been just as worried for Dina and the baby. She was the reason they were all in this mess in the first place and she was going to be the reason they got out of it. 

But, in the end, they had to leave Jesse behind.

Jackson held a funeral for him on their return. They had attended, bandaged, Ellie in a sling, afraid to face Jesse’s parents. While his parents were devastated they also made it clear that they didn’t blame Ellie for what had happened and were still thrilled about the news of Dina’s pregnancy, promising to be there for them whenever they were needed. A part of Ellie wished they had been angry with her. They had every right to be. She didn’t deserve their kindness.

Even Maria, who Ellie had expected to be furious with her, hadn’t been, instead pulling her into a gentle hug and thanking her for bringing Tommy back. 

Once they healed, Maria had shared with Ellie and Dina that there was a house a few miles out from Jackson that was theirs if they wanted it. Enough months had passed since their return that Dina had started to show. Ellie tried to pretend that she hadn’t been the one to share Dina’s little domestic fantasy with Maria but it was clear that Dina knew when she turned to her, a knowing smile on her face. “You sure you’re okay with raising more than cows and sheep?” 

Ellie nodded and reached out and squeezed Dina’s hand. “Of course I am,” she said and then to Maria, “We’ll take it. Thanks, Maria.”

“Well,” Maria said, “you girls deserve it.”

She didn’t though. Dina did. 

As if she knew what Ellie was thinking, Dina began rubbing soothing circles onto Ellie’s hand with her thumb and leaned into Ellie’s shoulder, mumbling, “Thank you,” into her neck. 

Ellie responded by pulling her closer before the three of them began to talk excitedly about the logistics of how they would get settled into the farmhouse. 

Maria helped with the move along with some others from Jackson she recruited, like Bonnie, William, and Cedric. Tommy was still recovering, not quite in the shape to contribute. Along with them, Jesse's parents offered to help, but not without dropping hints that they would prefer the girls stay in town where it would be safer for them and the baby. Ellie knew they meant well, but a part of her couldn't help but think they didn't trust her to protect her family. She supposed she couldn't blame them.

Ellie threw herself into making the farmhouse a home. It helped distract her as she fortified the fences and fixed up the barn, pushing away any offered help. Meanwhile, Dina and Jesse's parents worked on starting the garden and arranging furniture and decorations on the inside of the house. 

Greg and Scott from the woodshop built a crib for the baby as a housewarming gift, while Maria and Jesse's father made sure they were prepared with enough food to start, and Cat went ahead and helped organize enough art supplies for Ellie to be able to set up a little studio for herself. 

"So… you're about to be a mom, huh?" she asked with a bit of a teasing tone as she and Ellie packed up Ellie's books and art supplies from the garage. Dina was spending the afternoon being pampered by Jesse's parents. They still had a month or so before the baby was due.

Ellie let out a soft, almost nervous chuckle. "I know… weird, right?"

Cat considered that for a second. "Maybe," she laughed, "but you and Dina have always been perfect for each other. I'm sure you guys will make great parents. Are you excited?” 

"Of course,” she responded, a small smile on her lips. don't know…" Ellie said. She held her arms out and stared down at her hands. "What if I like… drop it or something?"

"You're not gonna drop your baby, Ellie," Cat reassured as she watched Ellie stop packing and walk over to her bed to sit. 

Ellie anxiously rubbed her hands up and down her jean clad thighs. After a moment she sighed shakily before saying, "This should be Jesse." She said it so matter of fact.

"Ellie," Cat warned. "Stop."

Ellie's hands moved faster, harder. Cat approached and dropped down next to her, covering a hand with one of her own. "You know no one believes that. _Dina_ doesn’t believe that.” Ellie’s held hand twitched. Cat continued, “And I know Jesse would support all of this too.”

Ellie slipped her hand out from under Cat’s and leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. She stayed silent.

“For all intents and purposes, you are this kid’s mom, El.” When Ellie still didn’t respond, Cat added, “You’re going to do just fine.”

Ellie tried to believe her, tried to believe everyone that had been telling her she was going to be a good mom. And at some point in there she thinks maybe she actually had been a good mom. JJ and Dina were her everything, she loved them. They’re what kept her going, pulling her through the darkness.

But how long was she going to rely on them to do that for her?

It was as she turned her back on Dina, breaking her heart by leaving her family behind in favor of taking revenge, that Ellie once again decided, _“This should have been Jesse’s.”_

Jesse would have been strong for his family. Would have loved Dina and JJ with his whole heart, never needing anything but them.

Not like Ellie, who had ignored Dina’s quiet sobs and never looked back, afraid of what she would have done if she had.

* * *

**Present Day**

Ellie stands alone on the cliff overlooking Jackson, nervously fiddling with her now missing fingers much like she had all those years earlier with Joel as she admitted to him that ever since Riley, Tess, and Sam she had been waiting for her turn to die. 

Joel had told her that he too had struggled with surviving but that you have to find something to fight for. Well, Ellie had some things to fight for and they were at the base of the cliff, tucked safely within the walls of the community.

As she takes her first step towards home, she decides that for once, she’s okay with living.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what y'all think!


End file.
